


Feels Like A Dream

by happymikasa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angsty Stuff, Eremika - Freeform, F/M, and implied Yumikuri, maybe implied Springles?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:23:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 26,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7019680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happymikasa/pseuds/happymikasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger leads a life everybody wants. He is a worldwide teen superstar, has millions of fans around the world and millions of dollars on his bank account. </p><p>Mikasa Ackerman, a cancer patient with a not-so-great life, doesn't believe her eyes when she meets her idol at the local hospital.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I can take care of myself.

**Author's Note:**

> Heya, guys :) So this is my first multichapter fic that's not a crossover.
> 
> About the title: I don't know, but I think this is what everybody feels when they meet their favorite celebrity just casually on the street. Though the title doesn't really have anything to do with Eren's part of the fanfic, of course ^^
> 
> Aaand I'd also like to point out a warning for fangirling & swearwords!
> 
> Have fun reading!

Mikasa Ackerman has been craving for air.

She was just told that the benign brain cancer she was diagnosed with about two months ago changed into a cancerous one. She has absolutely no idea how much more time she has on earth, but she knows it isn't much.

_ God _ , she needed air.

Mikasa was relieved when they told her she could leave the hospital. Everything in this building just felt like hell to her. It always does, everytime she has to go there. The nurses. The walls of her tiny room. The medicine. The meals. Hell, even her mother! Everything in this building makes her crazy.

Yet she still has some hours before she leaves.

She sits outside at the hospital entrance, reading  _ The Fault in our Stars  _ for the umpteenth time. This book never fails to tear her up, no matter how many times she has already read it. For how many times she has already seen the movie, she doesn't care either. 

Only a sharp, loud noise can take her attention away from the book as she looks up.

Her eyes go wide as she sees  _ him _ .

 

* * *

„Fuck off.“ 

Eren tumbles around when he's finally able to free himself from his best friend's grip. Taking a sip of his vodka bottle, he says, „I can take care of myself, shithead.“

Armin sighs. „You obviously can't, Eren. I mean... You might as well have a broken foot right now just because you can't handle all this alcohol!“

Eren cringes because at least half of what he says is right. His foot hurts like a bitch as he weaves through the street.

„Hell yeah, I'm drunk as fuck, so what?“ 

„Well, first of all, there might as well be paparazzi hiding and taking pictures of you, and if you keep, you know, being like this-“

„Being like _what_?“

„Being... you know. Remember how you put up a fight with a man yesterday in that club just because he doesn't like you. That's what I mean.“ 

Eren giggles at the reminder, clinching to Armin as his foot becomes unbearable to walk. „Yeah, this asshole really fucking deserved it! One does not simply fuck with Eren Jaeger and get away unharmed, right?“

„Eren.“ 

„What?“ 

Armin sighs and shakes his head. He just can't see his old friend like this anymore. „You really need help.“

„Hey, just because I like partying and alcohol doesn't mean-“ 

„You've been like this ever since Annie left you, Eren. What has she done to you to make you act like that?“ 

Eren's expression changes, letting his smile fade.

Annie Leonhardt, a famous movie actress, had been the light of his life ever since he got famous. She was there for him whenever his fans couldn't be. She was there when his mother, the only woman he'd really loved before, died. Whenever all the hate and insults he got took over his thoughts, she comforted him. Whenever he was mad or angry, her cold beauty would magically calm him down.

He loved her, and only her. He loved her smile, her eyes, her words – everything. He loved touching her, feeling her, kissing her, and he would give every free second of his crazy life to be with her.

Her mere appearance was astounding. None of the women he has ever met could compete with her beauty.

But eventually, she left.

„Damn, Armin,“ he takes another gulp of his bottle, „way to be a buzz kill.“ 

But Armin is definitely right. He is always right, about everything.

Eren needs help.

As they keep going – Armin goes and Eren still clinches to him, drinking vodka and passionately shouting Whitney Houston's  _ I Will Always Love You _ while his foot keeps being an ass – the Rose Memorial Hospital comes closer and closer. 

Eren takes his final gulp at the hospital's entrance and, quietly muttering something to himself, he lets the bottle go; sharp glass hits the ground.

„Eren,“ Armin sighs, but he doesn't listen. He almost never listens. 

Eren's eyes are fixed on a girl, likely the prettiest girl he has ever met.

She has pale skin and full, rosey lips. A strand of her dark, short hair falls over her nose perfectly, as if it was meant to be there. Her widened eyes are so dark and shiny, almost like the beautiful night sky.

She can definitely compete with, or even surpass Annie's beauty.

Eren wants to talk to her so badly, but he can't. He bends down, finally letting the ill feeling in his stomach win. He vomits heavily, much to Armin's demise, and as he stops, the girl is already gone back in.

He should definitely stop drinking.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa can't believe it.

Did she really just see Eren Jaeger, a worldwide pop superstar and her  _ fucking idol _ , on the way to  _ her _ hospital? 

No, it can't be. Her mind is probably just hallucinating and Eren Jaeger hasn't even been there in reality. It was just a side effect of dying, as Hazel Grace Lancaster might say. And even if he had to go to the hospital – she saw that his foot was hurting – he'd probably be at a more noble, more prestigious one in the next big city.

After finally putting on that uncharming pajama the nurses gave her, she puts her phone off the charger, reading a notification:

_**Eren Jaeger** _ _ (@erenjaeger): im drunk af  & omw to hte hipsital in trost wtih  _ _ @arlertalert _ _ bc i probslby brpke my foo lmfaooo _

Her mouth is gaping in disbelief.

Trost. Her hometown.

She was not hallucinating. It was not a side effect of dying.

Eren Jaeger, the one never fails to bless both her ears and mood with his awesome voice, is really at her hospital, and he really gazed at her in his drunken state.

Mikasa unlocks her phone and opens Twitter to see that her best friend Sasha sent her a direct message.

_**sash.** _ _ (@roastederens): oH MY GODGLDKSHJKL MIKS EREN IS AT YOUR HOSPITAL AND HE'S DRUNK AS A BITCH  _

She still can't believe that she just saw her  _ idol _ , and replies.

_**m** _ _ (@kinkyjaegers): IK SASH IVE SEEN HIM AKLDSHJREHJK I THOUGHT I WAS HALLUCINATING BUT I WASN'T OMFG  _

Only seconds go by until Sasha replies.

_**sash.** _ _ (@roastederens): WJAT YOU'VE SEEN HIM?? OMFG ARE YOU SHITTING ME??  _

_**m** _ _ (@kinkyjaegers): NO IM 500% NOT SHITTING YOU HE EVEN STARED AT ME ALKJDHEJKLREJKL _

_**sash.** _ _ (@roastederens): i'm so sorry for yelling but omG DID HE TALK TO YOU?? OR DID ARMIN TALK TO YOU?? _

_**m** _ _ (@kinkyjaegers): No he just threw up at Armin's shoes, poor him tho _

Mikasa scrolls over Eren's manager's account when Sasha replies.

_**sash.** _ _ (@roastederens): oh, sorry  & yeah poor armin ^^ _

She yawns, indicating that it's time for her to sleep. She checks the time, it's already 1:00 AM.

_**m** _ _ (@kinkyjaegers): Yeah. I better go to sleep now since i will finally get out this shit hole at 8:30, so night sash :)  _

She locks her phone and switches off her lamp.

Did Eren  _ fucking _ Jaeger really stare at her? And why did he do it? 

She's not pretty or sexy, not even if the person staring at her is as drunk as he was.

When all the excitement over tonight's events calm down, sleep takes her over and she finally lets her mind sink into oblivion.

 

* * *

A splitting ache roars in Eren's head as he wakes up.

He crops one arm on his bed, taking in his surroundings as the other hand tries to calm his head down. He is in a small room with white and red walls, next to him is a pair of crutches and a small table with his phone and a glass of water on it. There is a post-it sticking on the glass, saying  _ I think this is the best thing for you to drink today. -Ar  _

Eren sighs. That bastard is probably grinning to himself right now, imagining a completely hungover Eren laying in the hospital.

Well, at least it looks like he didn't hook up with anyone this time.

He doesn't remember anything from last night. Or well, not  _ anything _ . His foot is a constant reminder. Despite the 'stormtrooper shoe', as Eren likes to call that ugly shoe thingy you get when your foot is broken, his foot still hurts everytime he shifts. 

And there is this girl. This incredibly,  _ incredibly _ beautiful girl. 

He wants to talk to her, get to know her. Know her name, her age, her ethnicity, her favorite food, why she was or still is in the hospital, or what even brought her to his hometown.

Everything. He wants to know everything about her. But how he does it? He doesn't even know.

Eren takes the glass, for his head still feels like someone is hammering against it. Taking a large gulp, he also checks his phone. There's a message from his manager, Erwin Smith, saying  _ Really, Eren? Really?  _ There's a link to whatever stupid TMZ report it is that makes Erwin mad.

Eren frowns, unlocking the phone to read the link. He reads the headline out loud. „Does Eren Jaeger hate his fans? Video of the pop star being rude to a fan leaked“

He groans. „What the fuck!?“

As a celebrity, he should be used to such stupid things, but all those recent headlines saying he „spit“ or „threw something“ or „was rude“ at fans are yet another milestone. In all those eighteen years of his crazy life, he has never,  _ never  _ read such stupid trash. And most times, he only ever reads the headlines. 

Yes, he might have done a lot of stupid and inexcusable things in the past few months, but he  _ loves _ his fans. They have brought him to where he is today. He would never,  _ ever _ want to insult them. Shit, he would even take a bullet for them! 

As he watches the video, this article becomes even more laughable. Not only did they represent Armin as one of those stalker fans he utterly dislikes, but they knew he was drunk so they shouldn't have expected him to behave well.

He closes the link and locks his phone, as he is not really in the mood to argue with his manager or read hate comments on Twitter. He grabs the crutches as he gets up, turning to his window to see if there are fans outside he could wave at. There are none, likely due to it being Friday morning and Trost probably being the smallest town in the world.

Eren always loved visiting his hometown, as it was and still is a refreshing relief from the hectic of his job. But now, everything in this town reminds him of his wonderful mother, and this hospital is the worst place since it reminds him of her death. It reminds him of how she was happy and lively in one moment and hunching over with pain the next, and of how the doctors told him there's nothing they could do to keep her alive.

A tear rolls down his face as his phone blinks, bringing him back to reality.

A message from Armin.  _ Hey, I'm going to pick you up in a few minutes. Wait for me in the cafeteria, okay? _

Eren replies quickly as he goes out the door.

When he finally spots the elevator, his eyes meet hers again.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa must be dreaming.

She can't possibly be in the same hospital _and_ use the same elevator as Eren Jaeger. Or can she? She pinches herself to make sure this is reality. 

She's not dreaming.

He is real. His moves are real. The way he looks at her in awe is real.

They're the only people in the elevator, yet she feels a heatwave running through her body. She wants to talk to him, ask him how his day is so far, yet she feels like she would penetrate his privacy just by opening her mouth.

She feels like a burden to him until the elevator is moving. As it starts going downstairs, he turns to her.

„Uhm... Hey there...“

 


	2. It's not like I'm worthy of anything anyway.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa Ackerman and her idol, Eren Jaeger, get to know each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god I'm so sorry for the long ass wait y'all! It's just that I had exams and my new laptop came and so on, so yeah... My writing probably suffered from all this as well :D
> 
> I hope you enjoy chapter 2 anyway!

  
„Uhm.. Hey there…”

Eren is breathless. She is even prettier from up close.

Those beautiful black eyes of hers scoop up as she looks at him and stumbles a quiet, shy “hi”.

For some reason, Eren’s hands are shaking and sweating; his heart is almost jumping out of his body as he just stares at her in awe.

„I… uhm.. You…. I….” He doesn’t even know her name and she already makes him stumble. She is so, so goddamn beautiful!

„I… uhm… I’d like to get to know you,“ he finally blurts out, but he immediately regrets saying it when her eyes stare at him in disbelief.

_Great job, you idiot. You only know of her existence for a few hours and you’ve already fucked up._

He hates himself for even opening his damn mouth. Why did he have to say this right here, right now? The elevator of a hospital just doesn’t seem to be the right place for this.

So he is incredibly surprised when she speaks.

„H-How about we meet tomorrow at the hospital then?“

God, even her voice is breathtaking.

Eren clears his throat. „Sounds great. How about 1 PM then?“

The elevator goes open as they reached the ground floor already, yet Eren doesn’t move.

„Sounds good,“ she says, a tiny smile showing on her face. „See you tomorrow then.“

Eren smiles back as she walks out, making him marvel at how everything about her seems to be absolutely perfect. Her voice. Her body. Everything.

Only when the elevator closes, he realizes he was staring at her butt for too long.

 

* * *

 

  
„Hey, are you still drunk or why are you smiling like that?“

Eren jolts slightly, coming back from reality. „No, it’s just…,“ he smiles again as he sees her in his mind, imagining how nice the date would go. „It’s just that I’m going on a date with the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen!“

Armin arches an eyebrow. „So you’re in love!?“

„I’ve actually just met her, so no.“ _Well, not really._

„Aww, it’s love at first sight!“

„Shut up!“  
„You hear that, paparazzi? Eren Jaeger is in love with someone!“

„Armin Arlert, if you don’t shut the fuck up right now, I promise I will fucking end you!“

Armin chuckles, smiling that cocky smile Eren hates so much. „So, how does she look like?“

Eren clears his throat. „Well, she’s just…. _so beautiful_ , man, I don’t even know where to start! Her skin is almost like the finest china, you know, and her lips are so rosy and full and kissable and her hair is so perfectly short, and don’t even get me started on these beautiful, black eyes, man, I just-“

„Wait, you’re going on a date with Mikasa!?“

Eren winces of pain, for his foot is still unbearable even with crutches. „You know her??“

Armin nods. „She’s my neighbor, and she’s probably freaking out right now because she’s one of your biggest fans, Eren! You can’t even imagine how much fan merchandise of you she has, or how much she rants about all those stupid media reports, or…“

Eren just can’t believe what he just heard.

The probably most beautiful girl he has ever seen is a fan of him.

_Of him!_

He expected that she knew his name already, but he never expected it to be like _this_.

„Well, I…“ Eren clears his throat again. God, what the hell is up with him today?!

„I… promise I won’t hurt her then.“

„Don’t even try it, Eren.“ Armin gives him a stern look. „I’m being serious! She’s in quite a bad condition right now, and if you ever hurt her, I am sure as hell not gonna forgive you this.“

A quiet „Oh“ was all Eren could say to this.

_Quite a bad condition…_

He wonders what that could be.

 

* * *

 

  
„Hey, why don’t you try these?“

Sasha runs to a pair of high heels on the right. „Those are a perfect match for the dress!“

„I don’t know,“ says Mikasa. „I think I’d rather wear flat shoes.“

She’s still in denial that she asked Eren Jaeger on a date just a few hours ago. And he agreed. He fucking _agreed_!

This is just too good to be true!

„You’re kidding, right?“ Sasha gives a laugh, packing the high heels out of their shoe box. „May I remind you that you’re going on a date with Eren Jaeger? I mean, we both know he likes it when girls wear high heels.“

„Yeah, but-“

„No buts! Mikasa Ackerman, you will look fierce by wearing these shoes and that dress, do you understand?!“

Mikasa rolls her eyes. No matter how many times Sasha tells her otherwise, she is not and will never be pretty. She’s just an ordinary-looking person, nothing like the beauty that is her friend. Nothing like the girls Eren Jaeger normally dates. God, she wonders why he even wants to see her.

She sighs and takes the shoes.

„Okay, fine, I’ll try them on.“

 

* * *

 

  
Mikasa has never been that nervous in her entire life.

Her hands are shaking and sweating, and her feet are feeling like hell even though the way from her home to the hospital isn’t that long. The only thing she can think of is how this is such a great opportunity to get to know her idol in person; of what he might say if she tells him about her being his fan.

Oh, how she would never forgive herself if she screwed this up.

She sees him at the entrance.

There are no bodyguards or anything else but those crutches protecting him, he looks handsome in a casual plaid jacket, skinny jeans and vans. He looks up to her and God, those vibrant, emerald eyes of his are _so much prettier_ in real!

And then he smiles his beautiful smile at her, doing that kind of magic his music always does whenever she’s down.

He does that kind of magic that makes her forget her sorrow.

 

* * *

 

  
One of the benefits of being a famous person in a small town is tranquility.

Unlike in a city, there is no swarm of paparazzi and fans following him, asking provoking questions or shoving cameras in his face. People here are all keeping the distance, minding their own business while Eren is on a date.

And dear goodness, his date is a sunshine.

All they do is walk around and decide to eat in an ice cream parlor. They don’t talk much, but she knows enough of Eren, so he absolutely doesn’t mind.

He loves how Mikasa blushes when he asks her how long she’s been his fan. He just can’t help but chuckle and tell her not to worry. He met fans who were far worse than her.

He loves how she decides to walk barefoot after half an hour because her feet hurt so much. No one ever would probably do that anywhere else than at home.

He loves how she talks about herself with her adorable voice.

Man, he loves being on a date with her so much.

The mood only changes when he asks her why she was in the hospital.

„I, uhm.. I have brain cancer,“ she says, slurping on her milk shake.

Eren’s smile fades.

So that _bad condition_ of hers is actually a terrible, deathly illness.

No. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve anything bad in her life.

„Oh… I’m… so sorry.“

She shrugs. „Don’t worry, it’s not like I’m worth of anything anyway.“

„That’s not true,“ says Eren, shaking his head.

„It is.“

„No, it’s not!“

„Eren, I-“

„Mikasa, why do you think you’re here with me right now?“ Eren asks. He just can’t understand why she thinks so low of herself. Who said those hurtful words to her? Did those hurtful things to her? Who was it that made Mikasa think she’s not good enough?

He grabs her hand as he continues. „You are one of the prettiest girls I have ever met in my entire life, Mikasa, and as far as I know you, I can tell you have a pretty good personality either, okay? So yes, you are good enough. _Fuck_ those who tell you otherwise! They’re just pulling bullshit out of their mouths to make themselves feel better.“

A teary-eyed Mikasa looked up from her hand. „I…. I didn’t….“

Eren just smiles as he squeezes her hand, reassuring her that he says the truth.

She smiles too, and Eren has to reassure himself that she’s really not some kind of goddess and that all this is not some sweet dream. She’s just way too pretty to be real!

Oh, how he would love to keep staying with her like this forever, but a ringing phone just _has_ to stop him.

He frowns, taking it out of his pocket. „Shit.“

„What is it?“

„Armin,“ he says as he reads the message. „He wants me to help him out with something.“

„Oh,“ says Mikasa. „How about we go home together then? Me and my mom don’t live far away from Armin’s house, so…“

Eren nods, smiling at the literal perfection that is his date.

„Sounds nice!“

 

* * *

 

 

Their way home isn’t that long.

Just a few streets ahead and they’re already here.

They don’t really talk that much instead of exchanging their phone numbers. It’s a long, yet comfortable silence.

„So, uh, we’re at my home already,“ Mikasa suddenly says, standing in front of a tall house.

Eren gulps.

 _So, this is where she lives_ , he thinks as he remembers. He remembers how his father left his family in the exact same house when he was ten. How he made youtube videos in his room when he was 14 to become a famous artist afterwards. How his mother had a heart attack in the living room just a year ago, and how he could never apologize for all the hard times he gave her.

A tear drops down, and then another.

„Hey, are you alright?“ Mikasa caresses his back, trying to comfort him as teary emeralds look at her.

„Yeah, it’s just…“

He sniffs, drying each and every tear off his face.

„It’s just that… my family used to live in this house.“


	3. You are so, so strong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa has a very bad day, and after hours of trying to ignore her, Eren decides to show up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys soooo much for supporting this fanfiction. Y'all can't believe how fucking amazed I am at every note, comment or kudo I get! 
> 
> So, for this chapter, I'd like to point out a warning for bullying and self-destructive thoughts. 
> 
> Have fun reading! :3

Eren sits on his tiny bed in Armin’s house, green eyes staring at the phone in his hands.

It’s been about two days since he found out that Mikasa Ackerman - a girl whom he had just met yet already feels so much love for - lives in his old house. His family’s house. The house where he spent all his childhood in. And he wonders, oh, he wonders how she must feel about it. Does it make her sad? Angry? Happy? He doesn’t know.

His phone is almost frozen on the messages she sent him. The messages he ignored, yet also doesn’t want to ignore. He just doesn’t know what to do. What to say.

His phone rings with Armin calling.

Eren picks up. „Hey Armin.“

„Hey, just so you know: Mikasa is _not_ a whore!“

He laughs. „Man, Armin, took you some time to pick up on that bullshit media report. Trust me, I might be dumb… But I’m sure as hell not that dumb to believe this TMZ shit.“

„I can’t really believe you, considering how just yesterday, you asked grandpa how much weed it would take to revive Michael Jackson.“

Eren arches an eyebrow. „Well, I was high as fuck so how could you possibly believe I would say something rational?!“

He hears Armin sigh at the other end. „Anyways… What’s going with Mikasa?“

„Nothing…“ Eren shakes his head. „Nothing’s going with Mikasa, no.“

„What? Why?!“

„She’s living in my old house, man! I was so angry at you for not telling me beforehand, remember?“

„Yeah, and then I remember how you raved about her for what felt like an eternity, so why aren’t you just talking to her?“

Now it’s Eren who sighs. „I just… I don’t know, I sure as hell want to text her, but everytime I see her name, it reminds me of my mom and it’s just…“

He feels a tear running down his face. „It hurts, Armin. It fucking hurts.“

„Sorry, man. I understand.“

The silence that follows makes Eren feel as if a truck has just overrun him. It’s so quiet, yet so loud he could feel his ears explode.

He’s about to hang up when Armin finally speaks.

„How about you come over to her?“

„Oh yeah, what a great idea to have me constantly reminded of my mom’s death and my fucking asshole of a dad.“

„Eren, I’m serious-“

„No, Armin. Never in _hell_ would I go to that house again.“

„God damnit, Eren, do you want to get to know Mikasa or do you not?“

„I do, but why should I already go to her fucking house-“

„It might be a first step to stop you from becoming a train wreck.“

„Jesus, Armin…“ Eren falls back on his bed. He would rather die than going back to this house. But on the other hand… It would probably break Mikasa’s heart if he keeps trying to ignore her.

He sighs. „Okay, man. I’ll do it. But fuck you if it turns out bad.“

 

* * *

  
People tend to think that high school years are the best years of your life. That people would admire you and you’d graduate having many, many friends.

Sure, that is the case for some students. But Mikasa Ackerman is definitely not one of them.

Instead, people in her class push her violently, calling her horrible and sometimes even racist names. Sometimes, they just write those same things on her desk or say „ew“ when they walk past her.

In her new school, she often finds herself at the nurse’s office, saying Hitch Dreyse and her terrible cheerleader clique beat her up again. And the same cheerleader clique often finds it funny to shove Mikasa’s face into the toilet as they keep telling her she’s not worth anything. She’s an ordinary, ugly piece of shit whom nobody loves.

And after all those years of being pushed and called names, Mikasa believed them.

Mikasa almost races into the bathroom after coming home from yet another day of constant torture. She bends over the bathroom sink, trying to wash away the _I’M A FUCKING WHORE_ standing on her arm. It doesn’t work. She washes and washes and washes, but after an eternity of trying, the letters are still clear enough to read.

And just like all the countless times she tried to wash away other people’s marks, she gives up. It doesn’t matter. Everybody thinks like that now anyway, thanks to that media article.

She looks up into the mirror in front of her, eyes gazing at the freshly-made scar above her right cheek.

Mikasa lets out a tiny cry as her finger touches the scar. It hurts, and it hurts like hell.

And then the first tear rolls down her face.

The second tear lets her scar burn like hot lava on her skin, and she couldn’t take it anymore. After all these years of holding back her tears and telling herself she’s strong, she can withstand all of this, she finally breaks down. She kneels on the hard ground, starts sobbing and finally lets all the tears she held back take her over.

 _What a fucking failure you are_ , she thinks to herself. _How dare you for even thinking you’re strong. How dare you for thinking Eren Jaeger might like you. You’re just a fucking wimp that everyone hates._

She sobs even more, thinking how much she just hopes for cancer to take her over already. How everything would be so much better if she just dies.

No, she is not strong. Not at all.

 

* * *

  
Eren stands at the door to Mikasa’s - his - house, unable to stand still. His hands are sweating as he wonders. Wonders how Mikasa would react to him. Or would she even react? Would she be happy that after all those hours of trying to ignore her, he finally shows up? Would she be angry at him for ignoring her? Would she just shut the door again and reject him? Or would her parents open up instead and tell him to go away?

Why did Armin even think this was a great idea again? Eren growls quietly.

He rings the doorbell, and it sounds exactly as he remembers. Exactly how it sounded in his childhood. How it sounded last time he was in this house…

He wonders if they kept anything. Wonders if they kept the black _Steinway & sons_ piano. If they kept any accessories. Any of the flowers his mom loved so much.

Oh, his mom…

Eren remembers again. He remembers the way she laughed for the first time after Dad left. It was just a chuckle, but it still made him smile for it was her first laugh after _weeks_. And he remembers how she always scolded him and Armin for swimming too far away whenever they went to the beach. How he convinced her to buy him a _Gibson_ and give him guitar lessons. How she always smiled and told him to „go on, your voice is absolutely stunning,“ whenever he sang or hummed something.

The door goes open, and for a brief moment, he thinks his mom opened up for him.

Yet it isn’t her.

And it’s also not the shy, pretty, adorable Mikasa he remembers.

What he sees instead is a flawed, sad version of her with pulled clothes and something written all over her arm with permanent marker. Her pale, usually flawless face is stained with mascara and her eyes are red from the tears she cried. The tears she cried because some nasty motherfucker harmed her.

She doesn’t deserve this.

She _doesn’t fucking deserve this_.

„Mikasa….“ Eren doesn’t hesitate any longer to hold her tight in his arms.

 

* * *

  
The first thing Mikasa notices is that all these fan reports from Eren’s meet and greets are right. He does give the best and tightest hugs.

The second thing she notices is this is not just a normal hug between a celebrity and his fan. No, this one is a lot more personal. A lot more intimate.

Seems like Eren Jaeger doesn’t hate her as much as she thought.

And just when she thought she cried herself out already, tears are streaming down her face once again. And Eren, oh, generous, lovable Eren tries to calm her down, rubbing her back as she sobs hard and telling her not to worry, he’s here, he’s her friend.

„I’m… s-such a failure, I-I thought I was strong, but…“ she barely even brings out that last word before sobbing even harder into his safe chest.

She feels a tear rolling onto her shoulder as Eren clenches his jaw, holding her even tighter. „Shhh, no,“ he whispers, „you are strong, Mikasa. You are so, _so_ strong and admirable.“

„I thought… y-you hated me because-“

„Because I ignored your messages, right?“

He turns away just a little bit to face her sobbing, broken creature, and she could see tears in his eyes. Tears that assure her that he actually cares about her. „Truth is, I wanted to reply to you, but…“

Eren looks at her, and just those vibrant, emerald-green eyes of his are enough for her to finally calm down a bit. Her voice is barely steady when she speaks.

„So, you don’t hate-“

„Nope,“ he says, shaking his head. „I don’t hate you. I was just… a total jerk, and I’m so, so sorry, so uhm… Can I come in, please?“

He smiles, and it’s the bright, generous, dimple-flashing smile she loves so, so much. It’s one of those smiles that reassure you there’s not only bad things in this world. No, there are also pure and precious things. Things like Eren's smile.

Mikasa nods, making him smile even brighter.

Her tears are almost forgotten as she closes the door.


	4. You're a great person and I love you for that

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets to know Mikasa's room... not in a sexual kind of way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back, back again after all this drama & being too lazy and too invested in new anime to write for snk? That's right, me! :D 
> 
> Also I'd have to thank God for creating Birdy and her wonderful, WONDERFUL songs <3 
> 
> But now enough with the bs. Have fun reading! *awkwardly walks away*

  
„What did they even do?“

Mikasa’s eyes gaze at Eren as he cleans her arm with vinegar. She can see how his eyes stare at her, waiting for an answer.

„I mean, those guys who…. you know,“ he says with a dry smile on his face.

„Well…“

She gulps at the fresh reminder of what happened just a few hours ago. Her voice is shaking a bit as she speaks again, and she hates herself for thinking Eren’s presence and a piece of her favorite cheesecake would calm her down.

„Well,“ she says again, sighing deeply, „there are some girls at school who… like to beat me up and-“

She stops as she sees how Eren’s expression changes, his smile fading away and his grip on Mikasa’s arm becoming more tense.

„So… are those also the guys who tell you you’re worthless?“

„Not only them,“ Mikasa barely brings out, and she’s astonished at how someone who just met her can still care for her, because Eren gets even more tense; his teeth are gritting and he clenches his right hand to a fist.

„Who else does it?“ He almost hisses, trying to stay calm.

„Well, I guess everyone in my whole year does it somehow…“

She can literally see the agony in his teary eyes. Agony because the very same thing happened to him years ago. Because the only real friend he ever had was Armin.

She wonders how Eren can be so strong. How he can keep up with being treated atrociously for all his life.

She sees a tear running down his face, making her regret telling him anything. „I’m sorry I reminded y-“

„Don’t worry,“ he says, cleaning the last bit of permanent marker away. „It’s just… I want to punch those motherfuckers in the face _so bad_ right now, you don’t even understand! You… You just don’t deserve this, Mikasa.“

„But… you don’t really know anything about me.“

„Well, I know enough about you to say you don’t deserve any bad things happening in life.“

Mikasa is a little bit relieved when he lets go of her arm because _Jesus_ , Eren’s grip is harsh.

„Besides,“ he adds as he gets up, „I’m here to get to know you a little more, so…“

„Well, okay, but…,“ Mikasa points to her face, „not before I cleaned up this mess, alright?“

„Alright.“

And somehow, it’s funny how Eren chuckles and smiles his big, pretty smile at her when just a moment ago, he was boiling in anger and sadness.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren walks around with his crutches, taking in his surroundings.

Why did pure, innocent Mikasa deserve to be treated like this? What did she ever do to them?

He doesn’t get it, but what he does know is he deserved it so much more than her. For he was the one all this fame got to. He was the one who yelled at his manager just for caring about his artist’s health. He was the one who abandoned everyone he loved for sex, drugs, alcohol and parties. For somehow, both his parents abandoned him. For he only wanted to forget what happened.

And only when he looks around in this house, he realizes he can never forget. He can never run away from what happened.

Yet for some reason, he’s okay with this because it’s not his house anymore. It’s Mikasa’s. There are old things in this house like the old oven or the TV, but there are also new things like the red sofa or Mikasa’s room.

Oh, how he wonders what her room would be like.

He smiles as he hears Mikasa’s feet running down, and he smiles even more when he sees her because she’s so god damn _stunning_. The scar on her cheek makes her even prettier. It shows that she is not perfect, not flawless.

Mikasa catches him gazing at her. „What is it?“

„Nothing. You’re just really pretty.“

„Please don’t lie. You know I’m not.“

„I’m saying the truth.“

„I don’t believe you. Remember that I have a scar on my face.“

„So what? You’re still pretty.“

Mikasa is unable to reply to this and fakes a pout, and Eren thinks it’s the cutest thing to ever happen in his life.

„Anyways,“ she says, „where do you want to start?“

„Well…,“ he begins. „Your bedroom would be nice.“

She frowns, maybe because she didn’t expect that?

Eren smiles because she’s just so fucking cute. „Like, not in a sexual kind of way, but if you want so, then….“

He chuckles, but also yells the moment Mikasa punches his arm.

„Come to bed, you ass.“

 

* * *

 

The first thing Eren notices is how clean Mikasa’s room actually is. The only things standing out are posters of him hanging on the walls and a laptop on her bed.

The next thing he notices is the piano. The old piano he used to play on as a little kid. He remembers how his mom used to make videos of him playing because somehow, her 5-year-old son who hadn’t had any instrument lessons has an amazingly great amount of talent.

„So, uhm… Welcome to my room,“ says Mikasa. „But, please ignore the posters.“

„Why? They’re kinda cute.“

„Oh, please stop lying. You know it’s embarrassing“

„I’m not lying, I’m actually quite impressed.“

Mikasa arches an eyebrow. „Why?“

„Because, well…,“ he sighs, „I’m such a fucking idiot, Mikasa. I’ve fucked up so many times this last year, you know, I just…. I’m actually surprised I still have fans after all this.“

He glances at Mikasa, seeing tears dwelling up her face once again. Tears of dedication and understanding, because he knows she loves him. Of course she does. He’s her favorite singer.

After a somehow awkward silence, he finally starts to speak.

„Sorry, Mikasa, I just…“

Mikasa shakes her head. „No, it’s alright, you don’t have to apologize. It’s just that… You’re _not_ an idiot, okay? Just because you make mistakes doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or something like that. It means that you’re a human being, just like everyone else. You’re actually a great person and I love you for that, Eren. I really do.“

And despite tears stinging in his eyes, he smiles at her once more. He smiles because she’s adorable and pretty and his fan. Because somehow, they both share a certain bond already. And because they are both suffering in life.

Eren clears his throat. „So, uhm… You play the piano, don’t you?“

„I do,“ says Mikasa. „Why are you asking?“

„Because, well, you have my old piano in your room, so why don’t you show me something?!“

„Uhm…“

She nods. „Alright. Let’s go.“

 

* * *

 

  
Mikasa loves playing the piano.

She’s not really talented or gifted, but she just loves it. She loves the sound every key makes when she touches them. It’s so innocent and pure, yet also loud and powerful.

So she smiles a little when she plays the first tone of Birdy’s _People help the People_.

Mikasa knows the song almost as much as her own mother.

_„God knows what is hiding in those weak and drunken hearts; guess he kissed the girls and made them cry, those hardfaced queens of misadventure.“_

Eren whispers the lyrics with her, making her stop for his voice is such a blessing to this cruel world. For his voice can make her forget all those sad things happening in her life, if only for a little while.

„Keep going,“ he says, a little smile showing on his face. „You’re really talented.“

She does, much to her own blessing because Eren starts singing once again. He gets even louder as the chorus starts.

_„People help the people. And if you’re homesick, give me your hand and I’ll hold it.“_

And when the second part of the chorus breaks in, his voice is putting the sound of Mikasa’s piano to shame.

_„People help the people. Nothing will drag you down, oh, and if I had a brain… Oh, and if I had a brain… I’d be cold as a stone and rich as the fool that turned all those good hearts away.“_

Eren keeps singing and she keeps playing, and to be honest, she really enjoys it. She enjoys how his voice fits so well with her music. How Eren still sings passionately for her, even if she’s the only one listening to him.

They play song after song after song, and Mikasa realizes she’d never want this moment to pass. Because it’s so intimate and sweet, and it’s almost impossible to think that just minutes ago, her and Eren were full of self-doubt and guilt and anger and sadness.

She only stops playing when Eren suddenly tips her shoulder and points to the door.

He points at her mom who’s, quite obviously, back from work.


	5. Please, just... someone help me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time after her death, Eren finally visits his mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooooo, I'm finally back in school! (translation: "my first week of school is over and I already wanna die lol") So please be aware that updates will most probably be slower ^^
> 
> About this chapter:   
> This is actually the first time I'm gonna shift between past and present time, and since this chapter is all about Eren, it's actually the first chapter with only one POV :D 
> 
> Oh, and I'm also calling out a WARNING for character death. 
> 
> Aaaaand that's all!   
> Enjoy reading! :)

Eren stands next to Armin and his grandfather, watching them lay down buquets of flowers. Before him lie Armin’s parents; both of them died when he and Armin were little.

It’s the first time since his mom’s death that Eren visits a cemetery.

He remembers how he talked to Mikasa’s mom. „You can only let go if you get over your fear and face her,“ she said. She told him how she didn’t want to see her husband’s grave at first either.

Yet it was Armin and Mikasa and even Armin’s grandfather who eventually convinced him after days.

And now he’s here. The flowers in his hand are shivering with him, and he can already taste the bloody flesh of his own cheek while biting it. His heart is racing faster than he could blink.

He’s scared. Really scared. Look at what a fucking coward he is.

Armin pats his shoulder.

„Are you really okay with doing this alone, Eren?“

_No, Armin. Please stay with me. I need your safety._

„Yes, really.“

They both know he’s lying.

Armin sighs. „Okaaay.“

He turns to his grandpa, asking if he’s okay with that, and then they’re heading back.

Eren is left alone now. Completely unsure of where to go.

He wants to run away so bad right now, yet he can’t. He has to face her grave.

And so he lets out a deep, frightened sigh.

„Alright,“ he whispers. „Let’s do this.“

 

* * *

 

Eren cracked a tiny smile when the car drove in his street. All along the way, he was way too anxious about meeting Armin and his mother again after what felt like an eternity.

He looked down to his lap, noticing Annie was still sleeping.

And he always loved watching her sleep. He loved seeing her usually stoic expression so quiet because she looks so pure and innocent, as if she was an angel.

It was kinda sad he had to wake her up now.

His hand scooped under her jaw as his thumb started caressing her sweet, sweet cheek.

„Hey,“ Eren said, „Wake up, baby. We’re here.“

Her beautiful blue crystals opened, seeing him smile tiredly.

„God damnit,“ she said through her yawn. „Why can’t you just let me sleep for like… a few hours more or so?“

He chuckled. „Maybe because I love you.“

„Well, I hate you for waking me up.“

The car driver turned into the small parking lot, making the SUV stop. „Okay, we’re here now.“

„Alright, thank you for driving us,“ Eren said while opening his door.

„No problem.“

Eren yawned while pulling his luggage out of the trunk, Annie following suit.

She’s so pretty. So, _so_ fucking pretty. God, he’d do anything to go back to the night before. When he had her in his sheets, sighing and moaning his name _so_ _wonderfully_ as he kissed, touched, loved and cherished every part of her small, yet highly attractive body.

Just thinking about it made his pants grow tighter again.

Annie caressed his back.

„Why are you doing that?“ he asked, ringing the doorbell.

„Hmm? Because I love my boyfriend.“

„Awww, I love my girlfriend too,“ said Eren, bringing her closer and kissing her lips tenderly. And he actually wanted to pin her against a wall and fuck her right here, right now. Yet he couldn’t.

„Well, my boyfriend has something quite obvious here that he should hide,“ said Annie, breaking away and pointing at his pants.

He looked down. „Oh shit, you’re right.“

But it was too late, for the door opened and his mom showed up.

„Welcome home, sweetie,“ she said, hugging her son as if she would never see him again.

 

* * *

 

  
He stands in front of her gravestone although he’d rather run away and never return. Bittersweet rain started dropping down just seconds ago.

Eren takes a deep breath. „Hey, mom. I don’t know if you can hear this, but… I’m so sorry I didn’t visit you before. I just wanted to let you know.“

He gazes at the letters on her gravestone saying _In good memory of the kind and loving mother CARLA JAEGER. May her soul rest in peace._ It’s as if those words would haunt him like a terrible nightmare.

„Mom, I….,“ he brings out after a whole minute of just staring and saying nothing. „I also want to thank you again for raising me up and for… just putting up with all this shit in general.“ He smirks. „And you know I love you so much, Mom, I always will, but…“

Eren can already feel tears welling up in his eyes. That’s how much pain he feels right now. Yet he has to be strong and hold them back, for he knows, he _feels_ , his mom is somehow watching over him.

„…You know, I’ve been such an asshole lately. I’m constantly pushing people away, yelling at people and hitting people just for stupid things like parties and women I never even recall the names of. I even pushed Armin, Annie and my own fans away, mom. That’s how awful I am.“

He looks down at the flowers in front of him. The flowers he just placed above her grave. Her favorite flowers - beautiful tulps of her favorite color.

A tear rolls down his face as he remembers how much she loved them. How she would’ve always thanked him and kissed his forehead when he went out to buy her a buquet of tulps on Mother’s Day.

Another tear rolls down. And another one. And another one, until he’s too weak to hold them back any longer.

„I’m so sorry, mom, I just…,“ he barely brings out. „I just…..“

And then he drops to his knees, hands clutching at his face as he starts sobbing heavily.

 

* * *

 

 

It’s incredible how fast moods can change.

One moment, Eren’s mom was smiling at her son, happy that he’d finally got the time to visit her. She was laughing and joking around as they set on the couch watching some TV show.

The next moment, she was hunching over in pain, yelling and screaming as loud as she could for Eren and Annie to call the ambulance. But as they came in and took her, she was already unconcious.

Later that day, Eren found himself in the hospital together with Annie and Armin. His hands were shaking terribly, and he was as pale as he could possibly be. Whatever they did to her, Mom would be alright, would she? He was quite unsure.

Armin patted his arm. „She’s going to be alright, Eren. Don’t worry.“

He could see in Armin’s eyes how he was doubting his own words. He knew the reincarnation process could never last this long.

Yet Eren still had a tiny bit of hope in his heart. A tiny bit of hope that she’ll live, even if she’d never really be okay again.

After what felt like an eternity of waiting, the emergency room opened and a doctor came out.

Eren stood up from his chair, facing them. „Is she okay? Can we go see her?“

A sad expression showed on the doctor’s face as they looked into his eyes. They let out a long and heavy sigh.

„I’m sorry, Mr. Jaeger. There’s nothing we could do for her.“

And with that, even the last bit of hope he had was heartlessly crushed to pieces.

 

* * *

 

 

Rain pours down heavily as Eren kneels before his mom’s gravestone. Sobbing has turned into heavy scream-crying rapidly and he doesn’t even care if there are other people mourning or not.

Look at what a coward he is.

He has even turned his own friends and loved ones away for his own selfish reasons. For he just wanted to forget, if only for a few hours.

„I’m sorry, Mom,“ he yells. „I’m so, so sorry.“

The wind howls through his wet hair, making the rain seem even heavier. His helpless screams and sobs are heard in the afternoon air.

„Please-“ he hiccups, „please forgive me, Mom! Please, I beg you.“

He’s such an asshole.

„I don’t deserve any of this!“

He puts his party life over his own friends and fans.

„No… I don’t deserve anything and anybody!“

He rejects and disrespects people who just want to help him.

„I… I….,“ he sobs. „I need help, Mom! Please, just… someone help me!“

The rain pours down even harder now and Eren keeps crying and sobbing and screaming until he can’t cry and sob and scream any more.

He loathes himself so, so much.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren woke up to the sun shining through the windows of his hotel room. It was somehow a really beautiful sight.

He glanced at a woman sleeping next to him, butt-naked just as he was. He had obviously taken her to his room the night before. Just like he had done almost every night, with any other woman.

And he wouldn’t want to change anything about this, he innerly confessed. He’s lost the prettiest of them all anyway, so why should he even care?

His sleep was rather agonizing than pleasant, for he was haunted by his mom every minute, every second he closed his eyes. Her shining eyes, her beautiful smile, everything of her haunted him ever since she died. And it wasn’t only her. No, it was also Annie, the prettiest woman he ever had the pleasure to date and ever will have. And it was also Armin, his best friend whom he hadn’t talked to in months.

The only thing he ever wanted was to forget them. To forget them and the guilt he felt about them.

And the best way to forget is to party and drink and smoke and make love to random women, right?

Right?

 

* * *

 

 

For a long while, Eren just sits there, in front of his mom, waiting for nothing in particular. Every tear he had to cry is already cried, and every scream he had to sing is already sung. And all he feels right now is emptiness.

Complete, terrible emptiness.

And he hates that emptiness so, so much. It feels just like all those nights felt a few weeks ago, when everyone he loved haunted him in his sleep. When he cried silent tears, wanting to forget about them all, and about what he had done to them.

Eren runs a trembling hand through his soaking wet hair before finally getting up.

He’s tired, so, so tired. So tired of everything. All the loneliness. All the tears. All the self-loathing.

He doesn’t want to feel any more of this. No, he wants to feel happiness, and each and every form it comes with.

And when he walks out of the cemetery and onto the pavement, he sees happiness walking towards him, holding an umbrella in her hand.

This happiness is absolutely beautiful, and her name is Mikasa Ackerman.

But he doesn’t know yet how much luck he has.


	6. She's my best friend, alright?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long eternity, Mikasa finally realizes what she's capable of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :) 
> 
> Sorry for the wait, homework and Eremika Genre Week had kinda been butting in lol. And tbh, there was a small time where I kinda felt like I should quit writing because I thought, "Well, I'm not gonna get any notes or kudos for this so why should I bother writing this any longer." And I know I should write for myself rather than for others, but it's just kinda saddening when you go on tumblr the next day and you only got 3 notes. I'm not telling any reader to reblog or fave stories they don't like, though, I just think every writer has at least felt like this in their life ^^
> 
> Anyway, so... The last chapter was Eren-centric, and this chapter is Mikasa-centric. 
> 
> WARNINGS: Bullying, racism and violence 
> 
> Enjoy! <3

Mikasa pulls a small box of medicine out of her school bag, just to at least lessen the symptoms of her terrible illness. Then she pulls out a small cup which she puts a pill in before pouring water in it, and then she drinks all of it with a big gulp.

She looks into the mirror, and she sees pale skin, full lips, jet-black hair, a stupid strand hanging right over dark, shiny eyes. What she sees is not a weak, ill teenager who might die of cancer tomorrow, but a fierce, beautiful young woman who can take on the whole world. Or so says everybody else.

But today, she actually believes them. Somehow, she feels strong and fierce, and it feels so, so good. It feels like today, something in her life is going to change for good.

Yeah, something might change forever today.

She hears a toilet flush, and out of the door came Sasha to wash her hands.

“Are you thinking of Eren? Or why are you smiling so beautifully?“ she asks, pulling Mikasa back to reality.

“No, uhm… I don’t know“ Mikasa stumbles. “I’m just… I’m just feeling good today.“

“Oh… Okay.“

Mikasa watches her friend dry her hands before going outside and to their next lesson.

But just a moment before Sasha is done, the door opens and Hitch Dreyse comes in with her cheerleader clique.

 

* * *

 

 

Mikasa deeply envied her middle school classmates.

They were all having friends, lots of them even. Friends whom they could hang out or laugh or joke with. All that while she was all alone and lonely.

There was no one who shared their school break with. No one who bid her hello and goodbye whenever they met. No one who wanted to hang out and have fun with her.

She had no one. And she hated that loneliness so, so much.

At nights, she used to drown herself in sadness. She would tell herself to stop crying when tears started to roll down and she started to wimper.

One night, when the feeling of sadness became too unbearable, she logged herself on to Youtube. Just to forget her loneliness for a few minutes, nothing more.

She searched for covers of her favorite song, just because. One of the videos she clicked on showed a boy singing and playing his guitar, and it stood out just a little, for Mikasa had seen him in some magazine.

The boy’s name was Eren Jaeger, and he looked barely older than her. Maybe not even a year.

  
He looked quite much above average, though. His eyes were gorgeous, vibrant, green emeralds with just enough tiny specks of blue and gold in them. She would’ve loved to run a hand through his messy brown hair. His full lips formed a smile so beautiful, no wonder why his comments consisted of girls falling for him.

And his voice… He sounded so pure. Almost like an angel.

With every tone he played on his guitar, and with even the quietest tone he sang, she could feel the passion he radiates, and it felt so _freaking good_. It felt like a special warmth was running through Mikasa’s body. She clicked on his next video and closed her eyes, and the happiness she felt just by listening to his wonderful voice is so real, so carefree. It was a happiness she had long forgotten about.

Hours later, when she had already fallen hard for Eren Jaeger, she found a video titled _IMPORTANT INFORMATION_ , where he explained why there hasn’t been uploaded a video in months. He explained that he had signed a contract with the renowned Survey Corps Records, who had brought up so many famous artists, and that he was on promotion tour for his debut single. He asked with such a charming smile for his subscribers to buy it.

And so, Mikasa did. She pre-ordered his debut single, and his album just a few weeks later.

 

* * *

 

 

“Well, well, if that’s not our infamous tentacle porn lover.“

Hitch Dreyse makes a move forward. “What the fuck are you doing here.“

Mikasa takes a step back. “I’m-“

“Yeah, you worthless piece of shit,“ says Ymir, earning glares from Historia next to her. “What the hell are you doing here? Are you watching your dumb hentai while taking a piss?“

“Or are you just standing here like the pathetic little bitch you are?“

“No, I’m-“ Hitch cups her chin harshly before she could even end.

“Listen up, Mikasa Currylover. I think we made it clear that even this fucking restroom is way too good for you. Anything is too good for you, alright? Nobody likes your ugly cancer ass, so please get the fuck outta here, otherwise I’m going to-“

“Hey!“

Mikasa didn’t notice Sasha grabbing Hitch’s fist. In her caramel brown eyes flows complete fury.

The same type of fury that has been flowing inside Mikasa for a while. For just when she thinks of herself as strong, fear comes over her and she stands still.

 

* * *

 

 

Mikasa loved her father very much. He wasn’t always there when she needed him, and sometimes he did stupid things, but he tried to make her happy whenever he saw her cry. Whether it was tickets for Eren’s concert or just a funny joke.

She admired him so, so much.

It was at night when death came upon him. He was driving home from a long day of work when the car in front of him suddenly halted. He lost his life in the hospital.

The following nights, Mikasa listened to Eren’s songs a lot more than usual.

His voice is like a plaster for her crying, heartbroken soul. With each and every song of his, her tears became lesser and lesser and she felt warmer and warmer. There are sad songs, love songs and ballads telling stories about his life. And there are happy, upbeat songs about partying and love.

And then there’s this one song. This one song about a young boy who’s dad had abandoned the family. It starts quietly and slowly, but becomes loud, heartfelt and powerful in the chorus. It’s a terribly heartbreaking song about Eren himself.

Whenever this song came on, she felt like Eren gets her. Like he knew her struggles, though hers were a bit more different than his. It felt as if he was her friend.

Everytime she listened to it, she loved him just a little bit more.

And it’s crazy how someone she didn’t even know personally could make her feel happiness whenever she was sad.

 

* * *

 

 

“She’s my best friend, alright?“ Sasha takes Hitch’s other hand, freeing Mikasa’s face from her grip.

“So, it would be very nice if you guys would please stop bullying the shit out of her.“

It’s terrible how Mikasa could just stand in awe and watch Hitch freeing herself easily from Sasha’s grip as if it was an everyday task, and then kicking the brunette’s feet so that she falls to her knees. Sasha looks into Mikasa’s eyes, almost pleading her to run away, yet she’s just standing there as if her feet were glued on the ground, watching Ymir pulling Sasha’s hair ever so harshly.

“Look me in the eyes, bitch,“ hissed Ymir. “Let me tell you something: You and your trainwreck-loving rice corn of a friend aren’t even worth a fucking penny, alright? How dare you even try touching us ever again!“

Mikasa watches her best friend being tossed to the ground like some garbage bag. They look over to Historia, who just stood there until now. She sighs, reluctantly though, and goes to Sasha to give her a harsh kick in the hips.

They get more verbal, kicking and shoving Sasha, treating her like a thing they have to get rid of. They kick her body, pull her hair and punch her, and it’s so, so horrifying to watch.

Mikasa can’t bare being scared anymore. She can’t bare standing in a corner, watching her best friend being treated so atrociously.

She’s done with being weak. Done with being called awful names everyday, now even by other Eren fans on the internet. Done with getting beat up everyday as if she was a terrible monster.

Mikasa is so, so done with everything.

So she finally starts to move, and before Hitch could even start her next kick, she finds herself spitting blood on the ground.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren Jaeger was mere 15 years old when he obtained worldwide fame. His cute looks and angelic, barely-cracking voice had been charming girls in every town, every city, every country. Mikasa Ackerman is proud to say she was one of them.

At age 17, Eren lead a life no one could ever imagine to have. He is in the top ten of every music chart in the whole world and has enough money to buy the most expensive things. And though his fans were longing for him to be their boyfriend, he had a really, really stunning woman by his side; a young actress with short, blonde hair and blue crystals as eyes.

When Mikasa logged in on Twitter one night, a terrible headache had been hammering inside her brain and she felt extremely nauseous. She had been feeling that ill for a longer while, and the fact that she had gotten beat up once again that day didn’t make it any better.

The video she saw was making her feel even worse.

It was a video of Eren. He was yelling at an older man, and the state he was in made Mikasa breathless, in quite a sad way.

He was extremely pale, and his chest looked a lot less ripped than it was before. There are red stains in his eyes, probably from drugs he took just before. And though still vibrant and breathtakingly wonderful, his eyes were drained in sadness and tiredness.

The replies to the video were just as horrible.

_This little brat really thinks he’s the greatest omg_

_fucking asshole lol i hope he gets in jail soon so that those 12 yo bitches can finally stfu_

_“he’s not a bad person“ well then bitch, wtf is this video??_

_Someone please let me beat the fuck out of this little bitch so that he can finally learn his place_

_lol his fans must be really dumb for liking this arrogant piece of shit_

Those comments were just saddening, for he is really not a bad person. No, he is sweet and charming and talented and handsome, and just because he does some awful things doesn’t mean he deserves all this disrespect.

When Mikasa started to type a reply, her head felt awful, as if someone tried to break out of it. She tried to go to the bathroom to get some aspirin to at least lessen her pain.

Yet just when she stood up from her chair, her stomach made a tremendous turn. She hunched over vulnerably and everything she had inside her finally went outside.

She vomited, long and painfully, and only when she started to spill blood, Mikasa’s head went up to see her mother at the door, a mix of worry and shock on her face.

 

* * *

 

 

Even hours after the incident, Mikasa still can’t believe it.

Did she really punch Hitch Dreyse in the face? Was she really strong enough to make her spit blood, and even teeth on the ground?

This just can’t be real.

For the first time, Mikasa is literally beaming after such an encounter. Sasha suffered several wounds on her body, but their bully finally got what she deserved, after such a long time.

When she walks out the bus stop, Mikasa puts opens her umbrella as the raindrops keep falling down. For the first time ever, she actually really thinks of herself as strong. She actually really is as fierce, powerful and pretty as everyone says. It’s only that she hasn’t noticed earlier.

When she goes by the cemetery, green emeralds are watching her. They are not the ones she knew, though, not vibrant ones with specks of blue and gold in them.

The emeralds she sees are empty, and although she can see tears drying in Eren’s eyes, he still forces a smile and greets her.


	7. I need help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa sees how broken Eren actually is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas and a happy new year guys!! 
> 
> Sorry this chapter is so short and late, I was busy with school tests & the Eremika Secret Santa (and I'm also too lazy to edit and make this chapter longer now :D) 
> 
> I hope you like it anyway!

“So, how was your day?“

Eren sits down on the sofa next to Mikasa, a cup of peppermint tea in his hands. He looks deeply in her eyes as he starts to sip.

“Well,…“ Mikasa still can’t really fathom what happened. How she punched Hitch Dreyse in the face for bullying her friend.

“It was…. interesting.“

“Yeah?“

“Yeah.“ Mikasa nods. “Well,… I punched one of my bullies in the face today.“

“You did??“

It’s amazing how Eren’s face lights up again. His eyes, which she almost thought would forever be dead and tired, came back to the vivid green emeralds she loves so much. He forms a smile, and it’s not a fake one this time. It’s big and bright and beautiful, just the way she loves it.

“Yeah,“ she says, still kind of happy that she got honest Eren back.

She tells him the whole story, and with every word, Eren lights up more and more like the stars do in the night.

“You did it!“ he chants happily, offering her a hand to clap on. “Damn, Mikasa, you’re fucking awesome.“

His happiness is so, so contaging and wonderful. Mikasa just _has_ to give him a high five, her chuckle more innocent than she was just a few hours ago.

This euphoria doesn’t last really long, however, as Eren’s elbow almost burns itself from the hot tea in his cup.

“So, well,…“ Mikasa asks after calming down for a little bit. “How about you, Eren?“

And just like that, his happiness vanishes as if it was never here.

 

* * *

 

 

He looks at her.

Mikasa’s eyes are like the galaxy, so dark and eternal, yet so beautiful. Her face is perfectly crafted like a sculpture, her short and black hair fitting it just wonderfully.

She is so honest, strong and pretty, and even though his poor being would rather avoid her question, he could never betray her.

“I visited my mom,“ says Eren calmly.

“Oh… And?“

“And…“

He can’t form any words describing this.

In his thoughts, he sees her beauty transform. He sees how suddenly, her skin goes darker, how her facial features change, how her eyes get more vibrant, how her short hair grows longer and longer.

His eyes look at Mikasa, yet he sees his mom.

“Eren.“

He snaps back as he hears her voice, eyes blinking at her.

“Sorry.“

Tears sting in his eyes every so harshly as he averts his gaze, trying to calm down as he takes the cup in his hands. It doesn’t work, though. His hands are still shaking as he takes a slight nip of the warm beverage.

When he puts the cup back, he finally gives in and lets his emotions be free.

 

* * *

 

Before she met Eren, Mikasa thought he was the strongest person in the world. She always wondered how he could withstand everything, even though just barely. He was like a superhuman to her, someone who never cried or complained.

She had even realized his terrible truth before, in his recent songs and his drunken yells at paparazzi. Yet she watches as tear after tear after tear rolls down his face, and it still breaks her heart.

He is broken.

So, so, so god damn broken, and Mikasa would do _anything_ to prevent him from breaking even more.

“I need help,“ he whispers, most likely to himself, making her already broken heart shatter to millions and millions of pieces.

“Fuck, someone please help me.“

She never notices how both her hands rush to touch his, but she also never cares. His hand is always warm and friendly to her, and it always makes her happy when her own tears sting in her eyes.

“I’m here, Eren.“

His eyes meet hers as she says this.

 

* * *

 

 

It is not a surprise that Eren cries quietly this time. He cried just before, yelling and screaming at his mother’s cemetery, and now he does not protest as he looks into Mikasa’s eyes once more. He just lets his tears fall down.

Her oh so powerful words reverberate inside his mind as he pulls her closer, embraces her in his arms. She is really so, so incredibly strong. For she, who has gone through way too much awfulness in all of her life, is still so kind-hearted and loving that he’s breathless.

“You know, Eren,“ she almost whispers as a single tear of hers falls on his shoulder blade. “Your music has always helped me come over everything. My loneliness, my father’s death…. The least I can do is try to be of help for you.“

“Thank you so much,“ he sobs quietly. “Thank you so, so, so, so much!“

He holds her even tighter now, with her hand grasping and caressing his back.

Mikasa is ever so warm and calming, and Eren can nothing but smile inside her shoulder as his very last teardrops fall. He never wants to break away from her, and thank God she never does either.

And so they stay in this comfortable position until a ringing doorbell forces them to part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who just disturbed Eremika from being domestic... 
> 
> Thank you for reading this chapter! *.*


	8. You're a really bad liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Eren and Mikasa are having a moment alone, they HAVE to be disturbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much, much longer than last chapter lol! 
> 
> I've been feeling kinda really down lately, so writing this chapter was kind of a great distraction and, you know, we're finally getting closer and closer to the core of this fic so yeah... :)
> 
> Now, enjoy!!!

Mikasa opens the door to see her friend. Though her face is scarred by wounds and black marks, Sasha’s smile is still bright.

“Surprise visit,” Sasha chimes.

Still feeling Eren’s warm embrace, and honestly never wanting to let this feeling go, Mikasa says nothing and stares at Sasha as if she was a stranger. They stare at each other for a painful, terrible moment until the brunette moves.

“Alright, I guess that means I can come in-”

“No!“ Mikasa blocks her. She knows god damn well that Sasha _loves_ Eren, and she’ll definitely want to stay at her house all day if she sees him. And the selfish, egocentric part of Mikasa, which wants to be all alone with him if only for a few hours, just can not accept that.

“You can’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because….. Well, uh, my uncle is visiting us right now, and he…. He doesn’t like you,” Mikasa lies.

Silence.

“Alright,“ sings Sasha, “I’m coming in!”

“No, I’m-”

“You’re a really bad liar, Mikasa.”

And then she’s in.

And Mikasa can not do anything against it. Only hope and pray, for a tiny moment, that Eren won’t come out for the next hour.

Yet he stands right behind her, an empty cup of tea in his hand.

 

* * *

  


One moment, everything is perfectly quiet.

The next, splinters of fine china are spread on the ground as a squealing brunette embraces Eren, almost getting him a tinnitus.

“Oh my god,” Sasha squeals inside his shoulder as he looks to Mikasa, who whispers a quiet “sorry“.

“ _Oh my god, oh my god, oh my GOD_.”

“Hey, could you please-”

“MIKASAAAAA, WHY HAVEN’T YOU TOLD ME RIGHT OFF THAT HE’S THERE.”

“That is exactly the reason why.”

“OH MY GOD I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT.”

Those are the kind of fans Eren really, really dislikes. He hates the fans who get overly excited over him, scream at him like maniacs, and in the worst case, shove their phone cameras in his face as if he was a sight of some great city. He is just a normal human being who just happens to be a public figure, so of course, he can never really get used to crazy fangirls.

He breaks, or rather forces himself, away from her, careful not to step over the splinters on the ground, and takes both of Sasha’s hands as he looks her in the eyes.

“Hey,… Sasha, is it?”

Sasha nods.

“Good, then…. Please don’t scream and get excited over me, okay? I’m just a normal person like you and Mikasa, you know.”

“…Alright,” says Sasha as his hands let go of hers. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry.”

She calmed down, thank God. And then she turns to Mikasa.

“Wait… Mikasa, did you…”

“What?”

“Did you… You know.”

“No! We’re just friends, Sasha. Nothing else.”

“Okay, but did you show him the list?”

Mikasa’s cheeks turn red like fire, and Eren thinks this is by far the cutest blush he has ever seen. He furrows an eyebrow, though, for he, who is obviously excluded in this conversation, wants to know what Sasha is talking about.

“What list?”

“ _There’s no list_.”

“Oh, shut it, liar! I’m not the one who’s gonna tell him about it!”

“Yes! Please tell me, Mikasa.”

Mikasa’s beautiful, charcoal eyes look at him and he could swear there are hints of a tiny puppy’s sad face in her expression.

“…Alright,” she said after a small moment, tucking strands of beautiful, black silk behind her ear. “But please do not laugh at me, okay?“

“Okay,” he chuckles.

How she could ever think of Eren doing so is completely beyond him.

 

* * *

  


_Oh, God, please don’t be there._

Mikasa rummages around in the utter mess that is her desk in hope not to find the thing she is looking for. The list that she has written months ago when she was first diagnosed, and the list that contains points Eren will definitely laugh at her for.

He sits on her bed together with Sasha, waiting patiently for her to turn around.

Unfortunately, she finds the list under a pile of school assignments that are yet to finish.

Sasha’s eyes follow her hand as Mikasa gives it to him ever so sheepishly. She plops herself into the comfort that is her bed, impatiently waiting for him as he reads every single point on this sheet.

Eren looks up from the sheet as he is halfway through. “You’re still a virgin?”

“Listen, Eren, I’ve-”

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of! So what if you didn’t have sex yet.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Eren’s right. You aren’t any worse of a person just because of that.”

“But I _want_ to have it, okay!” Mikasa blurts out. “I _want_ to have my first kiss, and I _want_ someone to make love to me, even if that means I’d die just seconds after. I’ve never dated anyone, and everyone has already experienced all those things while I’m sitting here with that fucking brain cancer and-”

She stops, feeling Eren’s hand as he caresses her back so gently.

“I can be your first kiss,” he says, smiling and his voice being so smooth it calms her down even more.

On her other side, she can feel Sasha’s eyes widening in awe, a breath and a quiet “ _oh my god_ ” escaping her lips.

Though she shakes her hand. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just….”

“It’ll be just one, okay?”

“No…”

“Look, I promise we’ll stay friends afterwards!”

“Please…”

“Mikasa, stop it! You know this is your chance, right? Besides, it is _not_ just anyone who offers it to you.”

This made her think. On one hand, Mikasa does most definitely not want to destroy the friendship she has with Eren. She knows that she is a living bomb right now, ready to blow up and take anyone she loves with her. But on the other hand….

She finally gives in and lets him kiss her.

And she certainly doesn’t regret it. His lips taste like a perfect mix of apples and peppermint against hers. She loves apples and peppermint, and she adores the warmth of his hand on her jawline.

In secret, she thanks both him and Sasha. Him for suggesting to give her this first kiss, and Sasha for eventually convincing her.

The kiss was small and chastè, yet when he breaks away, she is completely breathless.

At least she doesn’t even have the time to start a conversation as the doorbell rings once again.

 

* * *

  


Eren still feels her lips on his as he looks at a distressed Armin. It honestly felt just as if he had his first kiss, too. It was like having this great excitement all over again, tasting the perfect, sweet taste of her lips.

The blond raises an eyebrow. “What is it?”

“Oh, it’s… It’s nothing.”

Actually, it’s not really _nothing_. Because if Armin and that bald-headed guy didn’t disturb, and if Sasha wasn’t watching, he would’ve loved to kiss Mikasa once, or even twice again.

“Eren Jaeger, if you’ve somehow hurt Mikasa I swear to _god_ I will-”

“Hey hey hey, don’t worry! I didn’t hurt her, I just…”

“Yeah? What did you do?!”

“I, uhm…” Eren is stumbling now. He doesn’t know just how to say it. He doesn’t even know if he really likes her that much or if she’s just a phase of his.

“I….. I kissed her.”

Armin is quiet. Completely, uncomfortably quiet.

“I, uh… You know, I-”

“You know what,” Armin begins. “You actually don’t have to go to that bar! We can also just go back home and I’ll let you talk about her. Wait, no, that’s actually even better! You know what you do when you’re drunk and you see a pretty girl, and if Mikasa feels the same, you’ll definitely hurt her-”

“It’s not like that,” Eren denies, now standing. “But actually…. I don’t want to go there anymore, so..”

Armin stands, too, and looks at him, judging him with those curious ocean-blue eyes of his. “Ooookay..”

After a tiny moment, they finally turn around to their way back.

And even when he keeps denying Armin’s constant teases, trying to reassure him that no, he’s not in love with her, Eren still keeps thinking about Mikasa’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Armin ships it lol) Hi again :) 
> 
> I'm really sorry if it seemed like Sasha was some kind of "third wheel" in this chapter, and I hope that in the future, you'll see that Eren actually likes her. If you liked this chapter anyway, it would be nice if you'd leave a comment!


	9. Your smile is absolutely stunning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months after their kiss, Eren and Mikasa have been falling in love with each other. But does the other know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those two idiots FINALLY started having feelings for each other & I really, really hope I portrayed these feelings well, especially with Mikasa :)
> 
> Enjoy!

_ Thump. _

The punching bag in front of Eren swings, as if it’s trying to run away from him, but he hits it again. 

_ Thump, thump, thump. _

It has been four months since he visited his mom’s grave. And it’s crazy how much he’s changed since then. 

He avoids drugs and alcohol and parties as best as he can. Instead, he eats more, goes to the gym and pracises his hand-to-hand combat skills at least three times a week. And he’s been creating songs, which also helps him a lot. 

Before he kicks the punching bag, he halts. 

She is everywhere. 

In everything he does, he sees her jet-black hair, her gorgeous eyes, her plump and full lips. She is in his sweet dreams, his nightmares, his morning coffee, and even in the stupid punching bag he always uses. 

He  _ craves  _ the feeling of her warm lips against his. It has been so long since he first kissed her, and whenever they meet, he tries his best not to try kissing her again. 

“Hey, kid! What’s wrong?” 

He jerks back to reality and looks at Hannes, who has been working at this gym for so many years. 

“Oh.... It’s nothing,” says Eren shyly. 

The old man just laughs. “Alright. Keep going, Eren. You’re pretty good at this.” 

“Thanks,” says Eren and smiles. 

He starts punching again, realizing once more just how hard he has fallen for Mikasa Ackerman. 

 

* * *

 

For Mikasa, waiting in a hospital has always been annoying and boring. Nothing ever happened while she was there, apart from people coming in and out of the waiting room. 

Her eyes get drowsy, for she has been awake the whole night before. She tries hard not to let sleep take her over, but eventually gives in. Damn you, Netflix. 

So she finally lets her head sink back and closes her eyes. And in all of this sudden darkness, she sees Eren. His beautiful dark hair, which has grown longer over these past four months. His crossed arms, which have become much bolder than they were before. His smile, which makes his vibrant green eyes even brighter and more beautiful, elicits into a full-hearted, wonderful laugh. 

And then, fresh apples and peppermint take her tasting organs by storm, which happens to her all the time recently. She loves that taste, and she wants so much more of it, so Mikasa comes closer to Eren, cups his warm, beautiful face with her hand and- 

“Miss Ackerman?” 

Her head plops back forward and her eyes, though still drowsy, face this judging look of Dr. Zoe as cold, hard reality kicks back in. 

She apologizes and gets up from her chair, much to the demise of her mind, which so badly just wants to feel Eren’s lips on hers again. 

 

* * *

 

As he gets closer and closer to the hospital, Eren remembers how he met her. 

Even then, she was breathtakingly stunning, a book lying open in her hands and her hair flying in the fresh evening air. He was drunk, incredibly so, and he had his foot broken and was vomiting on Armin’s shoes. And he desperately wanted to be her friend.

He is sure that he had already fallen for her back then, yet he was just too busy trying to get over his past to notice. 

Mikasa is accompanied by a group of people as she walks out the hospital door, and he tries - no, he  _ forces _ himself not to look at her lips. Instead, he focuses on the prominent scar on her cheek. Which makes it all worse because it makes her even more beautiful. 

“Eren,” they cheer happily. And he smiles, because he loves her smile so much. It is so rare, and it makes all the world shine brighter. 

“Hi.” 

“What are you doing here?” 

“Yeah, we just wanted to go to the ice cream parlor.” 

“I, uhm…” Eren stammers and looks at Mikasa’s friends - Sasha, Connie, a girl with long, blond hair and a young, well-built brunet - before he looks at her. Actually, he only came to invite her, and  _ only  _ her, but now… 

“Would you like to come with us?” the blond girl asks, and he just nods, because he wanted to be with  _ her _ , but now there is no turning back. 

“Alright, then…,” she says and looks over to Mikasa, who just smiles back. 

“Let’s go.” 

 

* * *

 

“You seem happy today.” 

Eren smiles as he walks along with her, while Sasha, Connie, Jean, and Historia are walking ahead of them. He looks incredible today, and he makes it really hard for Mikasa to not get  _ those thoughts _ . 

She tries hard not to bite her lip. “Is that a bad thing?” 

“Not at all. Your smile is absolutely stunning.” 

“Oh,” she says, smiling. “Thanks.” 

He smiles again, and it makes that one taste -  _ his lips’  _ taste - even stronger on her mouth. She hates him, for his voice, his looks and practically everything that he is is purely taking her breath away. 

They walk along for a while, maybe two minutes, saying nothing when Mikasa starts to eye him. 

He wears a muscle shirt. And a tight one at that. 

“So, uhh, you want to go to college in Los Angeles, right?” 

_ Do not stare at his abs, do not stare at his abs, do not stare at his abs, donotstareathisabsdonot- _

“Mikasa?” 

_ DAMNIT. _

“Sorry, I was a bit distracted.” 

Her cheeks have gone red like fire. Great. 

“It’s alright,” he says, and god damnit he smiles _ again _ . “I was just trying to ask if you would want to live at my house for the time.” 

“Why?” 

“Why not?” 

“I would only be a nuisance for you.” 

“Oh, c’mon, Mikasa, you’re not! You’re one of the best friends I ever got to have.” 

He did it again. 

Once again, he has taken her by storm completely. He is just way too gentle with her, way too sympathetic and loving. 

She smiles at him. “....Okay, I’ll do it. But only if Sasha and Connie can come, too.” 

He chuckles ever so godly. “Well, I have like five bedrooms so I can arrange that.”

“Hey,” Connie shouts from far ahead of them. “Can you guys stop being snails already!? We totally support your lovey-dovey thing, but we’re starving while waiting for you!” 

Their eyes finally moved away from each other as they started walking faster, both of their cheeks burning in crimson red. 

 

* * *

 

Eren dreams of a chapel this night. 

In this chapel of his dream he finds himself, hands sweating and emerald-green eyes constantly looking at the door. Hundreds of guests are sitting gathered around that door, waiting just as impatiently as him for this one moment to arrive. Sasha, who is standing on the same stage as he is, sends him a reassuring smile that only makes him more nervous. 

Finally, the door goes open and out comes Mikasa. Beautiful music plays as she walks up to the small stage, and everything is just perfect. 

Her white gown is perfect. 

Her make-up is perfect. 

_ She _ is perfect. 

He tries his best to listen to the priest’s speech, but Mikasa’s smile while they hold each other’s hands is taking his breath away. 

She is the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, and she amazes him with every little ounce of her being. He wants that moment - that moment when they both hold each other’s hands, say the infamous “I do”, and then he kisses her - to last for eternities, yet…. 

Yet just when his face inches closer to hers, the alarm on his phone starts ringing and he wakes up. 

 

* * *

 

In Mikasa’s dream, she leads a happy life. 

There is no cancer in her dream, no medicine she has to take three times every day. There is no stress, no fake people, no negativity. 

There is just her sitting on a couch with Eren, whose hand lies over her stomach and protects the tiny being inside her. 

She takes this hand with her own, two golden wedding rings meeting each other as their hands intertwine. Her look goes to his gorgeous eyes and they both start smiling, knowing how much one loves the other. He kisses her lips ever so sweetly just as her head moves to lie on his shoulder, and he tells her just how beautiful she is. 

It is one of her sweetest dreams, and also one of her saddest ones, for she knows just how much harder reality is. 

This dream is not reality. 

And from this dream, she would never want to wake up. 


	10. I'm definitely going to come with you guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the funeral of Armin's grandfather, Eren decides he, Armin and Mikasa should go to a club to distract themselves from their horrible memories. He could never even imagine what is about to happen there...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: the rare occasion of Armin Arlert cursing :D 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!!

It is said that funerals are for the dead, so they could be put to a peaceful and tranquil rest.

In fact, however, they are for the living, for they just want to bid a loved one their last farewell.

Eren Jaeger had realized this fact after his mom died.

And now, he sits next to Mikasa, who had experienced the same, terrible thing, and to Armin, who is experiencing it right now. Armin’s ocean-blue eyes are tired from all the tears, all the weeping, all the questions he might be asking himself. He is almost like a therapist to Eren, and now he has to be like one for him.

He was once in Armin’s place.

And in Armin’s grandfather’s place was once his mom.

Suddenly, he finds himself back there, eyes failing to search for his father, and watching as she was sent beneath the ground ever so peacefully. He finds himself back in front of her coffin, promising her that he will stay the good, honest person she raised him up to be.

Oh, how he wishes he kept his promise.

Tears fill his eyes once again as he remembers.

Yet, he still pats Armin’s shoulder, telling him the same, simple thing his best friend has said to him back then:

“It’s going to be alright.”

And Armin just nods.

Just like Eren did.

 

* * *

 

Armin utters a quiet thanks as the keeper lies three full glasses on the bar.

Going to the club together was Eren’s idea. Out of the three of them, he has drunken his pain away the most.

To Mikasa, this is an entirely new thing. Unlike Eren and Armin, she has never gone to a club, and neither did she drink a lot of alcohol before. Probably because the alcohol affects her brain, and her brain has been affected enough already.

But for Eren’s and Armin’s sake, she takes a sip of her drink and…

She likes it.

Due to the fruit and the milk mixed in her cocktail, it tastes sweet and thick, but the bitterness of the poisonous drug compensates it. It is certainly one of the best drinks Mikasa has ever drunk.

When her glass is empty, Eren smiles his one, _gorgeous_ smile at her. “D’you want one more?”

She just nods at him, and after just a moment, a new, full cocktail glass stands before her.

This glass transforms into two, and then three, four, five, until Mikasa can’t count anymore. And soon enough, she finds herself dancing in Eren’s arms as Armin weaves away into the men’s bathroom.

All of the horrible reminders of her dad’s funeral have vanished. And when she looks at these emerald-green eyes, it seems those of his mom have, too.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa Ackerman is a butterfly.

Graceful, breathtaking and one of the sweetest creatures that ever came to this world. She is free, able to spread her wings and fly around the whole room, yet she wants to stay by his side.

Eren can see it in the way she dances close to him, close enough to make their bodies touch. He can see it in the way she draws him even closer.

“You have so much fun?” he asks her.

“I do.”

“But you’re drunk as fuck, right?”

“Hell yeah. Might aswell have a hangover tomorrow.”

Green emeralds look at the galaxy shining in her eyes. For a moment, the only thing they hear is their heartbeat, accompanied by people talking and David Guetta’s music blasting in the background.

And then, his lips are tasting hers once again.

After all these months, his lust finally got the best of him, and he can not hold it any longer. For this wonderful, but way too short kiss, he tries his best to taste every part of her cherry blossom lips.

He breaks away and looks at her, crimson flames burning bright on her cheeks so adorably, and he thinks that it’s over now, contemplates at how much of a _dick_ he actually is, until…

Now, it’s _her_ who is closing the space again. And she does it so well, Eren wonders how she possibly could have never kissed anyone. It is so intense, so absolutely perfect. Soon after she pulls away, he pulls her back in again, his teeth catching her bottom lip at the end of the kiss.

Each kiss, each move of their lips against each other becomes hotter and so much hotter, until they find themselves standing there, drawn so _wonderfully_ close to each other with her graceful hands touching almost every part of him, and his palm caressing her silks of black hair. He is pleading for Mikasa to let his tongue explore her mouth, and finally, she lets him in.

And he just can’t believe it.

He can’t believe that right now, at this very moment, he is making out with _Mikasa fucking Ackerman_ , the most marvelous woman in this entire universe, his friend whom he has fallen so hardly in love with.

It must be a sweet dream he is in.

And the dream is over just as she hovers her delicate legs on his hips and lets him take her away.

“You okay, guys?” Armin slurs.

 

* * *

  


The night’s fresh air hits Mikasa as they walk outside. What a nice refreshment after a hot summer day, and the club being even worse.

She looks at Eren, the embarrassment from just minutes ago still burning on his cheeks. He looks at her aswell, and bites those lips she’d love to feel on every part of her body so much.

She would love to feel every part of him on her skin. His lips, his tongue, his naked abs, _him_.

Yes. Eren Jaeger is the right person to steal her virginity.

“Aye,” slurs Armin. “You guys about to fuck on the streets now?”

“Nah.”

“No.”

“You sure, Eren?”

“Yea-up.”

“Because that bulge looks pretty interesting.”

“ _Armin!_ ”

“Oh my god, _why_.”

Armin chuckles. “Well, anyways, I’m definitely going to come with you guys.”

“Why?”

“I just… don’t want to live here anymore for a while. Besides, my college is right between Los Angeles and Trost.”

“Hey,” Eren says, putting a hand on his friend’s back. “It’s alright, dude, I completely understand.”

“Right, if you want to live with us, that’s totally fine. You only have to keep up with Sasha and Connie all the fucking time.”

Armin laughs. “Thank you guys.”

A moment of silence appears as they walk into their street. For Mikasa, it’s a slightly uncomfortable one, for she still thinks about Eren’s lips.

Those lips she just craves to kiss once more.

“‘Kay,” says Armin as they stand at his house. “Guess we gotta say good night now.”

“Okay. Good night,” she waves at Eren and Armin.

“Nighty, Mikasa.”

“‘Night, Mika.”

As she walks up to her home, she feels Eren’s stunning eyes glued on her.

 

* * *

  


With a vicious headache hammering inside his brain, Eren walks up into the kitchen. He greeds Armin, who is just as hungover, good morning, and brews himself the cup of morning coffee he needs.

Only when he turns around to the table, the coffee in his hand, does he discover a box of condoms lying in the middle.

“What’s this, Ar?”

Did he buy those last night, when he was drunk? Eren doesn’t remember.

Tired blue eyes look at him. “....Well, it looks like a box of condoms to me.”

“Yeah, but why is it here?”

“Well, I thought you and Mikasa might need it while away.”

“Wait, what happened??”

“You don’t remember?”

“What do I not remember?!”

“You made out with Mikasa.”

Eren’s eyes widen.

He made out with Mikasa.

_He made out with Mikasa._

“I did…. _what_?”

“Even better, you were about to take her somewhere and have sex with her.”

WHAT?

He takes the seat in front of Armin, and sits down. Takes a tiny sip out of his coffee, for he needs a little time to get this in his brain. Inhales a deep breath as he puts the cup back down.

“So, basically, I was about to _fuck_ her.”

“Yes.”

_Wow, Eren. Way to fuck up a friendship._

“....Does she remember, too?”

“I don’t know,” says Armin. “Maybe.”

He hopes dearly she doesn’t. It would just ruin all they have even more.

“Anyways, when are we gonna go?”

“Wait,” says Eren and checks his phone for messages. “Levi said he’s gonna come at 10.”

“Okay, well,” says Armin and looks at his watch, “it’s 9:20, so we better hurry.”

Eren gets up.

“Shit, did I really sleep that long?”

Armin gets up either to wash the two cups out.

Both of them hurry to pack their things together, however, Armin is done much earlier. Probably because Eren was thinking too much about his relationship with Mikasa. How he could ever do such a thing to her is beyond him.

Just when he got out of the shower, the doorbell rings.

 

* * *

  


It’s 9:40. Everything is already packed up.

The medicals Mikasa took as every morning will make the headache inside her brain better, yet they will not compensate the terrible hangover she has.

The droplets of water falling on her back are like some kind of massage, however she still feels the pain. And the faint memories of last night still haunt her.

Did she really… try to kiss Eren? Was she really that wasted?

Her love for him is still kept a secret to not put their friendship in danger.

She looks down at her stomach. It is pretty well-toned, abs from years of contemporary dancing have built themselves on it.

When she finally shows them off, how will Eren react?

Will he like them?

Do they even have a chance as a couple? Or does he want her to just be his friend?

“Stop it,” Mikasa tells herself. “You’re thinking too much into it.”

Her name is called from downstairs, and she decides to get out of the shower. Dries her hair and body, and puts on the pair of clothes she prepared for the day.

Coming downstairs, she looks at the small clock standing on a table.

9:51. Perfect timing.

Her mom walks up to her just after she put on her shoes. “Everything ready?”

“Uhhh… I think so,” says Mikasa, thinking if she forgot something. “Yeah, everything is ready.”

“Okay. All the papers for the hospital in Los Angeles are already sent, so you don’t have to worry.”

“Thank you, Mom.”

They pull each other in for a tight hug. It is really hard for the both of them to let each other go.

“You have grown so much, Mikasa,” the older woman says, teary-eyed. “Please, stay safe and live as long as possible, okay?”

“Okay, Mom, I will.”

Tears dwell inside Mikasa’s eyes aswell, for she misses her mom already.

“Thank you so much for caring about me.”

Finally, they tell each other goodbye, and Mikasa grabs her luggage.

When the door is closed and she looks over to Armin’s house, she can already see Eren’s van parked in front.

“Alright,” she says to nobody in particular.

“Time to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I just wanted flad!Mikasa to have abs okay..) 
> 
> Thank you very much for reading, I hope you liked this chapter <3


	11. I'm in love with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spending the first night at Eren's home, he and Mikasa finally decide to confess to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *indulges self in finishing up this chapter because the feels of this new snk episode are just TOO MUCH TO BEAR :(* 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!!!

Mikasa always knew that Eren’s home would be huge. He lives in a mansion, after all. 

However, seeing it in real life for the first time, it had a size she could never even imagine. When the van approached his enormous garden, all she could do was marvel. 

Getting out of the van, she looks at it in awe. 

So,  _ this _ is where she’ll live for the time being. 

“It’s huge, right?” 

Eren has almost caught her off-guard. 

“It is,” she replies. 

The word ‘huge’ is an understatement for Eren’s house. 

“Wow,” says Connie, who just awakened from what one might or might not call a nap. “Is that… Could that even be called a house!?” 

“The correct term for it is  _ mansion _ , Connie. Eren’s a celebrity, so of course he lives in such a thing.” 

“Just ignore him, Armin, he’s actually still in his sleep.” 

“Well, at least I didn’t draydream of food the whole ride, unlike  _ someone _ .” 

“What the hell did you just say to me, baldie?!” 

The five of them are slightly amused of this conversation. Eren’s snicker is the most godly, most precious sound Mikasa has ever heard. She’d give everything to hear him laugh. 

“Hey, brats!” 

All of their smiles fade. 

Levi approaches them from behind. Though he might be small for a bodyguard, his looks are still intimidating. 

“Could you load off your fucking luggage already,” he says. “I don’t want to stay here forever. And don’t you even dare not cleaning your seats afterwards!” 

They walk past him, though a tiny bit reluctantly, and do what he says. 

The only one not looking forward entirely to live here is Eren himself. 

 

* * *

 

It took a while for Eren to settle down. After a small talk with his housecleaner Petra, and showing everyone around which took longer than he expected, he is finally able to be in his own, sweet bedroom again. 

The new sheets on his king-size bed are the first thing he notices. They are so much brighter, so much more colorful than the last time he slept here. It is his own bed, but it looks new.

Before he could even unpack his luggage, he lets himself fall on the bed he missed so much. All the sleep he was deprived of finally takes him over, and he closes his eyes. 

And of course, he dreams of Mikasa. How can he ever not do that. 

The first dream replays last night. He feels those wonderful black strands of hair while kissing her ardently. He missed kissing her so much, and her moans against his mouth only fire him up. 

Eventually, she would let him carry her, and this time, there’s no Armin around to stop them. This time, he is about to do things sober Eren would’ve tried to restrain himself from doing. He is kissing her neck as he carries her to the toilet. He opens the toilet door just to find himself in another, different dream. 

This time, he finds her lying in the bed of a hospital. No, not due to her cancer, thankfully. Instead, there lies a tiny being on her arm. Apart from the face, its entire body is hidden behind a blanket. 

“Eren, look,” says Mikasa. 

He looks at the baby in her arm. It is surely the most precious thing he has ever seen on this earth. 

“She has your eyes.” 

“Yeah,” Eren smiles. “But she has your beautiful skin aswell.” 

She smiles, tiredly, but also happily as Eren pecks her lips. 

Why, he asks himself. Why can’t this be reality? Why does this have to be a dream?

A knock on Eren’s bedroom door finally wakes him up. 

He opens up after a small moment, and sees Armin standing in front of him.

 

* * *

 

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” 

Mikasa doesn’t look at a cooing Sasha standing on the kitchen door. She’d rather concentrate on the pot in front of her, and on making dinner in general, than to talk about it with Sasha. She is sure of having kissed Eren last night, but she simply doesn’t want to admit it. 

“Mind helping me a little?” 

“Will I get some of the ingredients?”

“Nope.” 

There is a hint of disappointment in Sasha’s eyes before she obliges reluctantly. 

After she started slicing some of the meat they bought, she comes back to her initial question. 

“I can see why you’re in love with Eren, you know.” 

Mikasa still doesn’t look at Sasha. She’d rather avoid this conversation as best as possible. 

“I’m not.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

“No, I’m not.” 

“Mikasa, do you think I’m stupid enough to believe your denial?” 

Mikasa pauses a little. 

Of course, Sasha is not stupid. She could always tell when something is wrong. 

“Okay, fine,” she sighs, and looks at her friend. “You’re right, I am in love with him. But don’t you even dare telling him, I will kill you if you do that!” 

Sasha snickers. “Don’t worry,  _ you _ will.” 

“What?” 

“ _ You _ will tell him how you feel.” 

“Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,  _ no _ . I won’t.” 

“So you want him to dislike you because he found out from someone else?” 

Caramel brown eyes look at Mikasa. 

“Besides, one can tell by the way he just _says your_ _name_ that he likes you back, so don’t worry, it’s all gonna be alright. Just be honest with him, Mikasa. It’s really that easy.” 

Apart from her cheeks burning red, Mikasa doesn’t know what she should say anymore. 

Sasha might be right. Maybe it really is better to explain him how she feels. 

“‘Kay, I think I’ve helped you enough,” says Sasha and steps out the kitchen door. “I think your cooking skills are much better anyways.” 

And then she’s gone.

“Okay, uhm…,” says Mikasa. 

She looks at the place where Sasha once stood. 

“Thank you for.... only slicing the meat… and talking to me..” 

She admits her friend is a bit lazy. But that doesn’t make her any less of a loveable person. 

 

* * *

 

He has nightmare after nightmare this night. 

Eren has decided that Armin is right. That he should confess his love to her. 

Just the  _ how, when and where _ is something he doesn’t know of. He has been practising it in his head for some time now, but neither sentence or tone seems right.

After the umpteenth nightmare of her either rejecting him, slapping him, or turning into a man-eating monster, he decides to get up and go outside in the garden. The night air is definitely what he needs right now to clear his thoughts. 

The pool is right in front of him, but he doesn’t want to swim in it. He just stays there, outside, enjoying the moon and the stars shining above him. 

“Can’t sleep either?” 

Eren already knows who is standing there without turning around. 

“Yeah.” 

“Is it alright if we’re here together?” 

For whatever reason, she hesitated before saying this. 

Now, he looks at her. And God, is he fucked. 

Not only is the very woman he wished  _ not  _ to appear standing right in front of him, but she wears nothing more than a single nightgown  _ and _ looks stunning as always.

He nods. “‘s alright.” 

She walks up to him shyly, not like the strong Mikasa he knows. 

They spend a while together, standing in front of his swimming pool, and say nothing. Yet the cool night air keeps Eren calm. Makes him think the world is at peace. 

He notices how Mikasa’s mouth opens to say something, but she closes it again right after. 

“You seem nervous,” he mentions. 

She still says nothing. Doesn’t even look at him, but instead she watches the moon reflecting on the pool’s chlorinated water.

Is it because of him? He almost asked her, but then she finally turns to him. 

He expects everything from her. She’d ask him what’s wrong and he’d finally tell her how he feels. And then she would either reject him nicely, slap him or outright punch him in the face like she did in his nightmares. 

She opens her mouth. Takes a long, deep breath. Her voice is music to him, just like always, when she speaks. 

“I’m in love with you, Eren.” 

That, however, is something he didn’t expect. 

 

* * *

 

Eren’s expression is unreadable. 

There is a hint of surprise on his face, yet Mikasa doesn’t know what he feels. There is nothing assuring, no particular expression apart from his eyes telling her of surprise. 

“I’m in love with you,” she repeats, this time louder than the almost-whisper from before. 

Nothing changes. She looks down in embarrassment. 

Well done, Mikasa. He hates you now, doesn’t he? 

Then, he takes a step closer. Pushes that one strand of hair behind her ear. His hand decides to rest at her cheek for a second before he cups her face, bringing it closer to his. This time, his eyes show nothing else than pure honesty. 

“I’m so glad,” he smiles ever so brightly, “that we both feel the same.” 

There is no more space between them. Mikasa is so happy, because this time there is no one around to stop them. Everyone is fast asleep and in the land of dreams. 

She deepens the kiss, her almost-bare breasts pressing against his chest. And there she thought mere moments ago that he’d not reciprocate her feelings for him. Oh, how was she a fool. 

They break apart after a moment. Her cheeks burn as she breathes, in, and out, and in, and out, together with Eren. They eye each other, finally realizing that what is happening right now is real. It is not a dream, and they are both sober. 

His eyes are so beautiful, they are shining together with the stars this night.

“Take me to bed.” 

Her whisper was quiet, but loud enough so he could hear her. 

Only the night sky watches as he obliges happily. He presses an ardent kiss against her lips while lifting up a leg of hers so that he can carry her. Two pairs of abs are now rubbing against each other as he takes her inside. 

Their lips become even more and more ardent against each other with every step he takes. Mikasa is suffering. Writhing with anticipation and lust as they get closer and closer to their destination. And although his tongue feels just wonderful inside her mouth, Eren doesn’t help much. 

Finally, after a short but agonizing while, Eren stands in front of his bedroom door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was probably a little weaker than the others but well, I guess you guys already know what will happen next ;) ;) ;) ;)


	12. So, how was your first time?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late at night, Eren and Mikasa finally get to show just how much they're in love with each other. Skin on skin. Touch on hot, tentative touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: explicit sexual content (but who doesn't know that already :D) 
> 
> There's also a reference to chapter 4 somewhere, if you can find it without cheating you'll get a cookie lol 
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!!

Mikasa never wanted to have sex with Eren. Before she met him, she’d never even thought falling in love with him would be so easy. But back then, she never knew he was such an easy person, with an even more great, friendly heart than she imagined.

But now, they’re here, in Eren’s bedroom. His bed is mere footsteps away as he pushes her against the door they just closed.

And… she _likes_ it. She does, and she gladly shows him.

Her moaning against his lips only make his kisses hotter, and she can feel him getting harder each second. His hand makes her let out a muffled cry as it digs in her butt, which makes her even happier, for she realizes he wants her just as much.

Dear God, how does she enjoy him. Please, God, never take him away from her. Ever.

He stops, and breaks away from her. His hand is no longer grabbing her butt cheek, but instead holding it like some kind of treasure. There’s just a tiny hint of sorrow in his eyes as he glances at her.

“Do you… really want me to-”

Mikasa nods, because that is all she can bring out. His acknowledging her virginity, aswell as his literally _perfect_ appearance, just make her speechless.

The smile he makes is gorgeous as ever, and it makes him look almost cute despite the stuff they’re about to do.

Nevertheless, the smile doesn’t last when his face comes much closer to hers. He doesn’t kiss her, instead he stops at her ear.

“Man, I’m so happy,” he begins, this time with a much lower, so much more tentative voice than earlier.

The hand that just groped Mikasa rushes under her skirt,

“I can finally do…”

and places itself on her inner thighs.

“...so many dirty things to you.”

And then he _massages_ her. Doesn’t let any finger penetrate her, but instead his fingers are rubbing her on each side of her wet heat, playfully, tentatively. He tells her just how much he fucking loves her, and starts kissing her earlobe, and then her jawline down to her shoulder. Each kiss is more rough than the last, until he suckles, leaving hickeys on her bare skin.

“ _Eren, I-_ ”

She’s a mess.

“ _Ohhhh, God, Eren, please, ahhh-”_

God damnit, she is a fucking mess underneath him. All thanks to his hand, and his wonderful lips.

She can feel the smug grin on his face so fucking well when he stops kissing her again, this time to return back to her ear. His hand, the one that just had her hum his name in pleasure, tucks just a tiny bit at her fabric.

“Let’s take this off, shall we?” he murmurs, not even paying a glance at one of the straps he already undressed.

He lets her down so that she can finally oblige. She undresses both straps completely and lets her nightgown fall to the ground.

He, too, pulls off his undershirt and then throws it somewhere, no one cares where it is anyway.

And _Jesus fucking Christ_ is Eren sexy.

 

* * *

 

 

A masterpiece.

That is the first thing Eren thinks of when he sees her naked. Mikasa’s breasts a small, yet full and so cute. She could brag with those abs, and this butt, at basically every social media site ever existing. And those legs…. He never knew legs could be this long, and thighs could be this thick.

Her body is a masterpiece. A masterpiece crafted by and for a goddess.

He loves her.

He really, _really_ fucking loves her.

Mikasa is the strongest woman he has ever seen, both physically and mentally. She endured so much negativity in all her life, and only a few punches of her could send him to hospital. And he _fucking loves_ her like that.

He realized too late he is lost in thoughts about her perfection. She grabs his arm, and he fails to free himself for how could anyone ever win against this strength.

His back is now against the wall, and her gorgeous eyes are not even an inch apart from him.  

Eren’s gaze rests at those charcoal angels for mere seconds before she kisses him passionately. Never, ever in his life has he met a woman in his life whose lips feel so wonderful against his. Whose teeth that nag on his bottom lip take him so much higher, whose tongue inside his mouth makes his heart race this fast.

Almost in sync with her lips’ suckling at his jawline, her hand gently touches his torso. It goes down, and even more down until-

“ _Ohhh, fuck._ ”

It slips under his pants, and there she finds him. Hard and stiff, only held back by some fabric. She breaks away, only to watch him groaning lowly when her fingers curl around it.

And then he throws his head back, writhing because she doesn’t stop there. She rubs her hand against his length, and she does it with just enough pressure, it’s a miracle that this is her first time. He feels her lips once again, this time on his jawline, his neck, shoulders, and even leaving a hickey on his throat.

He almost hates it.

It’s her first time, and she is basically controlling him. She makes him moan, cry and groan her name in so much pleasure with those rosy lips, and that hand down there. She kisses him and rubs him in such a steady pace, it makes him go crazy, and so, so much more wild for her.

Her pace gets quicker, so quick he is almost pulling his hair with his hand, and he is just right around the corner, almost, _almost_ -

She stops kissing him. And her hand slips back out.

Charcoal eyes gaze at emerald ones. Both of this _fucking model_ ’s hands rest at his chest. She raises her voices again just milliseconds after he finally stopped breathing heavily.

“Fuck me, Eren.”

Her sweet voice is but a whisper, only he can hear her clearly.

He’s just a teeny bit startled, for she hardly ever uses swearwords. Nevertheless, those words sound like music to him.

And so he takes her again, placing an ardent kiss against her lips as he takes those two few steps. He grins when lying her down on his king-size bed, lips still on hers.

She almost had him come, but just almost.

This revenge, it’s gonna be so sweet....

 

* * *

 

His eyes are glancing at her. In this dim-lit bedroom, they are practically glowing.

Mikasa studies his face for a minute.

She sees a tiny drop of sweat rolling down his sharp jawline, and then meeting the red mark she just left on his throat. Her eyes then concentrate on his lips, full and gorgeous and showing the best smiles in the entire universe. His teeth are white, and almost as bright and stunning as his eyes are.

Eren Jaeger is the single most handsome man in the world. She dearly hopes he knows that.

Mikasa looks at his eyes once more, just to notice he lowered his gaze. And she almost flips out with joy, because it seems he likes her abs. She can see it in the way he marvels when his finger brushes her abdomen, and travels up her torso until he meets her breast.

“They’re really cute,” he purrs, smiling one of these gorgeous smiles with those white teeth.

His full hand covers her flash as his face, the most stunning face in the entire world, comes closer to her, making her hold a breath.

“Those boobs, I mean.”

The breath comes out as a lustful cry, for his hand is squeezing her breast _just right_. He is fast enough to capture her with those lips. His tongue slides inside her open mouth just godly for a deep and intense kiss, she has to let out a muffled sigh. She has to grab his hair with one hand, and almost pull off his pants with the other.

He breaks away only to kiss her neck, teeth grazing it. His lips travel from her neck down to her shoulder again, and then he places hot kisses down her chest, and her other breast. Rolls his tongue on her nipple one, two, three times, accompanied by his thumb and index finger on the other one.

When her nipples are hard enough - _way too_ hard enough to even bear - he plants another set of tentative kisses on her every ab, her stomach, her hipbone, and he stops at her inner thigh.

Only to lick her there, sending a good ten thousand shivers down her spine at once. Her back arches, and she lets go of Eren’s brown silk just to grasp his blanket and sheets with both of her hands, his name coming out of her mouth in a loud moan. Her moans get louder, and even louder every second his tongue dances on her dripping heat, now accompanied by two of his fingers.

This is so perfect.

 _He_ is perfect. Basically godlike.

When she finally comes, she comes with screams. She is a moaning, jerking mess, even more than she was just minutes before. His sheets are probably messed up by now, but she doesn’t think of that. She doesn’t think of anything. Her mind is blank, only able to concentrate on the way he just _eats_ _her up_ and lets her quiver until this orgasm is eventually over.

Their gazes meet again when he gets back up.

He has left her so utterly vulnerable now.

 

* * *

 

 

Eren notices how his pants fall down as he stands up. He is finally bare, right in front of her, but that doesn’t matter because she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.

And he _did it_. Who knew he was even able to give Mikasa Ackerman, the strongest woman he has ever met, an orgasm.

He wipes _her_ off his face, smiling a vicious and even happy smile at her as he does so, and kicks that last piece of fabric away from him. And then he gets back on his bed, takes her hand so that she sits up. He cups her face and gives her a long, rough, passionate kiss on the lips.

Her sad expression after he goes back is just perfect, too perfect to be true. She wants so much more, but he doesn’t give it to her yet. It’s just amusing to see bold Mikasa so vulnerable.

The condoms Armin bought are still in his luggage; it’s easy for Eren to find them. She watches him fight against the plastic around the condom in amusement, both of them sitting there until he finally opens it.

“I…,” she begins, looking at the round thing in his hand.

“You want to put it on for me,” he ends her sentence.

She just licks her lip and nods. Is she teasing him?

He lays it in her hand wordlessly, and shifts so that she can place it on his tip. Bites back a groan when while rolling it down, she curls those fingers around his length once more.

Yet this time, he can stop her. This time, he takes Mikasa’s arm before she could even start.

“Sorry, baby, but this won’t happen again.”

She is still weak from earlier, weak enough to let him throw her back on the sheets while kissing her ardently. He continues to enjoy the sweet, sweet taste of her lips as he eventually places himself between her legs, and only breaks away there.

“Do you still-”

“ _Yes_ , Eren.”

He nods just a tiny little bit before shifting back up to see her full, perfect body.

“I’m trying not to be too harsh, okay?”

Finally going inside her, he can’t hold back the low cry syncing with hers. He starts it off slowly, trying to make her virgin self get used to him. But it’s so, so hard, she just feels way too good.

As his pace picks up, he starts rolling his hips and holds her own, teaching her how to do the same. After a few thrusts, however, she already learned and the both of them are moving, thrusting their hips against each other, _with_ each other, until the two of them are quivering, crying the other’s name out of their lungs.

He leans down to kiss her basically everywhere, and moan in her ear just how tight and slick she is, and how much he actually loves her. To grab her shivering hand with his own, and to grab her butt so hard her cry is like music to his ears.

He comes, almost jerking inside and outside her, the way she just _exists_ right beneath him making him scream out her name ever so loudly. She follows him just seconds after, her nails digging in his skin as if she wanted to carve her name on it.

They’re breathing heavily, even when their orgasm is over. His gaze is still at her when he finally slides out.  

Even with drops of sweat showing on her face, and even with a bedhead, she is still the prettiest of all women in the universe.

And he can’t believe he just fucked the love of his life.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa feels a cool shiver when she sits back up.

Eren is still close, he sits right in front of her, yet she still misses the warmth of his bold arm around her, his skin, his heartbeat. She misses the feeling of him inside her, of his warm lips on her body.

“So,” he says. “How was your first time?!”

“Well, it was…”

_Overwhelming. Breathtaking. Fantastic. Phenomenal. Perfect._

“...good.”

“Hmm, thanks. You were incredible, too.”

It’s the dimple-showing one. The one, godlike smile so bright it could make her forget about all negativity, is on his face. The smile she would stop time for only to witness it for a couple of moments longer.

She gazes at him, at his whole, perfect figure, and moves close enough to take his hand.

“You’re so handsome, Eren.”

He moves closer aswell, close enough to embrace her in his arms once more.

“And you’re so pretty, Mikasa.”

She almost buried her head on his shoulder, wanting to listen to his faint heartbeat. But before she could do that, the taste of apples and peppermint have taken over her mouth again for a short, tempting kiss.

None of them know who initiated the kiss, but none of them cares. One kiss turns into two, and then three, until her teeth catch his lower lip and both Mikasa and Eren lose control once again. And each kiss is more tentative, more wanting than the last one. It takes her so high how their tongues eventually touch each other, battling over who could enter the other’s mouth.

She adores the way his hands dig into her hair and her skin, caressing her _just right_. Yet she wants more. So, so much more, she can not control herself anymore.

She wants _him_. And so she yanks the condom away from his length, and throws it somewhere far away.

Only so that she could taste him, and initiate her second, much more vivid time.

 

* * *

 

 

Mikasa is a flower field.

She makes the sun shine bright and the sky more blue. Her flowers bloom white, red, yellow, purple, every color that has ever existed. They bloom beautifully, gracefully.

Eren runs across her.

He runs across the grass. Never trying to hurt those flowers, never trying to cause her any harm. He sucks in this moment and never wants it to pass, like, ever.

So he picks those flowers. He takes her naked, half-asleep self in his arm as they lie in his bed, her back turned to him.

His hand gently caresses her abs. It makes him smile, because he adores them so much. He adores _her_ so much.

Her eyes, which have almost sent her to sleep, open, and she turns around lazily. Just as he tries to place tender pecks around her back and shoulders. The same area where he kissed her fervently only minutes ago.

“What is it, Eren?” Her voice is hoarse, for she has been sighing and whimpering for an amount of time none of them cares to figure out.

“Nothing.” And his voice is stronger than hers, simply because of being a singer.

“You’re just really pretty.”

A tired, faint smile shows itself on her face before she closes her eyes again. She looks so cute. So, so, so, sosososo fucking _cute_. He doesn’t know how he deserved someone like her.

Still in his arm, she eventually drifts into sleep. Her breathing against his shoulder is sweet and even. It calms him, and it rocks his own self into full tiredness. The last thing his weary eyes see before they close, and before he falls asleep wholly, is her peaceful beauty.

He did not overhear the quiet, serene _thank you, Eren_ she hummed.

 

* * *

 

 

She wakes up as always. With a terrible headache stinging inside her brain.

Mikasa looks around Eren’s bedroom and discovers her nightgown lying near the door. His shirt and pants lie spread on the floor aswell. Then she looks at him, still fast asleep and with his back turned to her. And makes a little smile, for he looks so innocent and peaceful, it’s simply delightful.

When her index finger touches one of the still visible scratches on his back, she understands once more that what they had last night was not a dream.

That the warmth of his skin against hers was real. Their wanting kisses and intertwined hands were real.

It feels unreal, but it is not.

Mikasa flushes hard, so hard, because she can still not believe her virginity is gone. Not only that but it was _Eren_. Her crush whom she has idolized since middle school.

She looks at the seemingly expensive alarm clock to her right, and decides that since it’s still morning, it would be best to get ready now because otherwise you’d get caught. And she just doesn’t want that to happen.

So she walks - or rather _staggers_ because her thighs and butt still ache from last night - outside of his room, picking up the nightgown on her way. She sends a short good morning message to Eren just because she wants to before finally taking her medicine. Takes a long, cool shower in the bathroom right next to her and, after putting on a t-shirt and some hotpants, applies just the decent amount of make-up she always applies.

Mikasa loves cereal, so the first thing she grabs herself on the kitchen counter is an appropriate bowl. She finds a spoon and some milk soon aswell, but… just where are the corn flakes?! She searches even the tiniest inch of this huge ass dining room for a box of flakes, yet to no avail.

Until they are right in front of her. Together with two tan, muscular arms, shining emeralds, and her favorite dimple-showing smile.

“Good morning, girlfriend.”

_Girlfriend._

A reminder that they’re a couple now. She is so damn much in fucking love with him, and he has just as many feelings for her. Their confession to each other from last night is real, too.

She rarely gets extraordinarily happy. And now, she just beams. Right when he puts the cardboard box on the counter, Mikasa shows him the brightest smile she ever made.

The kiss that follows is tender, and it makes her forget her surroundings. Only Eren is here. And she can now call him her _fucking boyfriend_. She, out of all women in the entire world.

It feels so surreal, because she is so out of his league. Just an ordinary girl who was, and is still, a huge fan of his.

But then again it feels wonderful, for his love takes her so much higher, he takes her to a wonderland, a different world she never, ever wants to leave.

Eventually, she comes back to reality. They break apart with an audible smack when someone next to them groans.

It is Armin. And he is noticeably tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> This is only my second smut, so please criticize me (lol) so I can try doing it better next time :)


	13. Nice to meet you!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Eren are alone. Once again, skin on skin, touch on hot touch. They are happy to once more share their want, need, and passion for each other. That is, until someone rings on Eren's door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: sexual content (yes, they're at it like bunnies :o) and a certain character chiming back into the story. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this story so far <3 This is the last entirely fluffy chapter in the story, so I hope extra much you guys enjoy it!

Eren Jaeger is like oxygen. Mikasa has figured that out. 

She breathes him, in and out. His full, tasty lips, his radiant eyes, his rather long, gorgeous hair. Tan, warm skin, athletic body and strong arms. And a voice that just drives her crazy with every word he says. 

He is her air. And she needs him to breathe. 

She is in his arms again, like she has been at least every other day for the past two months. A shower rains down on her, and on him, as their mouths drown in each other passionately. 

Once again, they are bare. They are bare, wet, and wanting each other. And it’s not even evening yet. 

His hands are full of shower gel. They travel up and down her back, hipbones, legs, her entire body. They clean her slowly, tentatively, while he starts to give gentle kisses to her jawline and neck. She lets out a whimper as he slaps her butt cheek and then digs his nails in it. Starts grinding against his terribly hard self just seconds before the same hand caresses her breast. 

He felt her extensive fervor. Of course he did, otherwise he wouldn’t break away with a mischievous grin and try to rinse two fingers for her. 

But that is not what Mikasa wants. Not yet, at least. 

So she grabs his arm with one hand, and grabs his wet silk with the other while pinning him against the bathroom wall. Her tongue darts inside his mouth with so much want it leaves him breathless. 

Then she kisses down his jawline, collarbone and neck. Suckles gently at his skin and smiles, for his tiny gasps are just so sweet. Warm water drops on her neck while she places wanting kisses on his chest, his every ab, and his navel. 

And then she’s right there, at his thick, stiff length. And she doesn’t even care for a glance at it, no. She places a sweet kiss on his tip before grabbing him with just the right pressure. Her tongue rolls on his skin once. Twice. Thrice. Until he grabs her drenched hair and calls out her name in a low cry. And his reaction is good. His reaction is perfect. 

He begs her to _just_ _start sucking already_ , he does so more than one time, and eventually, she obliges. She starts, and puts him inside her mouth with a faint moan coming from her lips. He just tastes so fucking good. Too good to be real. 

She starts sucking, accompanied by her hand, yet stops way too soon. For then, yes, only then does a single tone disturb them. 

 

* * *

 

It’s not Mikasa’s mom, like he thought it would be. 

Eren watches the intruder just standing there, right in the middle of a marvelling Connie and the sofa, where Sasha and Armin sit. He knows that hair. Those eyes. This expression. He knows all of who that person is. 

Yes, there is no mistake. It’s indeed her. 

“Annie!?” 

He comes closer, hoping his ex wouldn’t see his sexual frustration. But that occurs to be very hard, for he has just seen Mikasa’s angelic face, her bare, well-built body, her full breasts and butt. For just a minute ago, she was just about to suck his dick as good as she always does, which makes the pressure inside his pants so high he can’t even breathe properly. 

“Eren. Long time no see.” 

She goes in for a hug, but thankfully,  _ very fucking thankfully _ she stops. 

“Damn, you look really sexy.” 

“Thanks,” he smirks. Today is pretty damn hot for October, so he decided it would be great to go shirtless, but that was wrong. Now, he’s sexually frustrated  _ and _ uncomfortable. And still, he smiles at Annie and asks: “So, what made you visit?” 

“Well, I just got done with my new film and I heard you’re doing alright again.” She makes a faint smile. “So I thought it would be nice to pay a visit.”

“Guys.”

“Anyway, how’s that Mikasa girl doing? Where is she!?” 

“...She’s upstairs, studying.” At least, it’s only half a lie. She was indeed studying for an exam before he came in to her and they started making out. And making out soon turned into clothes being littered on the short way to her bathroom, and them doing really dirty stuff in the shower.  _ Ugh _ , the frustration level is too high. 

“ _ Guys _ .” 

They both look at Connie, who has raised his voice. Only then did Eren recognize the karaoke video game and the bowl of crisps lying on the table. 

“You wanna sing with us?” 

Annie sighs after a moment, “Alright,” and Eren just nods. He has too many questions. How is Annie feeling right now? Does her new lover treat her like she should be treated? How will she react when she sees Mikasa? 

How will Mikasa react when she sees her? 

He doesn’t want to think about it. In fact, when Armin puts the CD in, he feels a little relieved. 

For Mikasa is still above, making herself ready to greet her mom. 

For now, he can focus on his greatest passion: music. 

 

* * *

 

Mikasa was ten years old when she discovered dancing. 

An episode of  _ Dancing with the Stars _ was showing when she took a glimpse at her parents’ TV. She was fascinated at how one of the pairs danced Contemporary. How elegant they looked. How graceful, emotional, and artistic every one of their moves was. That’s when Mikasa decided: I want to dance like this. I’ll try contemporary dancing. 

And so she does. She finds videos on the internet and tries her best to master their dances. Trains and dances across the house every day so long until she’s perfectly mastered it. Until she’s eighteen and has breasts and shorter hair and a defined face and is much, much taller. 

Armin’s sweet voice reverberates through her room and bathroom just after she dried her hair. Still all naked (and sexually frustrated), she then starts dancing. Slowly and much more decently at first, but then she’s making spins and pirouettes and moves both hands and legs. She makes a perfect jump in the air, for this room is more than large enough to do so. Even when picking up her panties, she spreads her legs and flexes even her toes to dancer level, and moves. 

Mikasa loves music. And she loves dancing. So, so much. 

You can see it in the large smile she has when jumping into her bed, and the disappointment on her face when Armin’s song is over. Still, that doesn’t matter. Time to put on the clothes. 

Yet shortly after, just when she put on her dress, she starts dancing once more. This time, there are even more spins. Even more pirouettes. Even more jumps. For this time, Eren is the one who sings. 

She darts out of her room, twirling and moving her body and making facial expressions. For a moment, she forgets everything. Her cancer, her frustration, her exams, everything. In this moment, the moment where she runs and dances across Eren’s house, she is so, so lively. 

And she loves showing that. 

She loves showing that so much that even when a pair of crystal blue eyes gaze at her in the living room, she doesn’t stop. 

One second passes. And then one more. And then, Mikasa finally stops dancing, embarrassed by the sudden exposure. 

She looks around the sofa. Connie and Sasha seem not to mind her, instead they argue over who should sing the next song. Armin looks at her, a potato chip in his hand. Eren is  _ still _ shirtless, giving her dirty fantasies of just what she wants to do with that back of his.  _ Sigh _ , why can’t they just fuck right now? 

And then, there’s… 

“So you’re Mikasa.” 

A pair of azure eyes and blonde hair comes closer to her. That woman. Why is she here? Why is she here, in her ex’s home, with a 90% chance of his new girlfriend seeing her? 

Mikasa just nods, confused. Eren didn’t cheat on her, did he? No, that couldn’t be. They’ve merely been a couple for two months now. Nothing more. Nothing less. She looks him in the eyes, and he just shakes his head.

The blonde cracks a shy smile, despite Mikasa’s expectations. Reaches out a hand to shake. 

“I’m Annie. Annie Leonhardt. Nice to meet you!” 

So she means well. Or does she? Mikasa is still confused, but yet, she shakes her hand and mutters a quiet “yeah, nice to meet you too.” 

“Mikasa, do you wanna play with us?” 

Thanks, Armin, for preventing an awkward moment of silence from manifesting itself.  

“Uhh.. yeah!” 

And so she and Annie sit down on the sofa, right between Eren and Armin, and let Sasha play her song. She has played the game some time ago, and found it pretty fun. Eren is here. He is smiling and horribly gorgeous and stiff, and she’s happy and wet and her nipples are painfully hard, and both are on an entire new level of sexual frustration at the moment, but he’s here. Armin, Sasha and Connie are here aswell; all five of them giving her at least an ounce of comfort. 

And maybe Annie just wanted to visit. 

 

* * *

 

It’s not as bad as Eren thought it would turn out to be. 

Yes, he wanted and still wants to fuck Mikasa senseless. And yes, Annie makes him feel uncomfortable sometimes. But still, they are having a great time. An hour later, they are still playing, this time  _ Mario Kart _ . 

“For fuck’s sake, Eren, I hate you,” Annie shouts out, for Eren was the one who hit her character with a red shell. He giggles, because he did so successfully, even though Mikasa is sitting really, really close to him and her warmth and love was distracting him.

“Hey, you’re not the only one here who wants to be first,” he smiles at the now second. Then looks at Mikasa. She is bare-handed, therefore he has to win the last race of this cup for her. Her head is resting on his shoulder, and for a moment he forgot to breathe, to function, to just  _ exist _ .  

“Guys, should I release that blue shell I just got?” 

“Armin, no.” 

“ _ Yes _ .” 

“Please do it!”

“Do that, and I’ll kill you.” 

“Armin, please, you’re my friend.” 

“Yes. You’re his friend. The friend of someone who just rudely hurt a  _ princess _ .”

“Remember he has just thrown both of us into fucking lava.” 

“....Alright.” 

Armin releases the shell with a smug grin on his face, hoping it would hit Eren before he finishes first. But luckily, it doesn’t. Everyone apart from Mikasa and Eren sighs, and he throws both of his arms in the air, chanting, “fuck yes!” 

Mikasa chants with him like the queen of angels she is, and he kisses her on the lips. He does not care about anyone around him anymore, her lips taste like sweet, sweet berries that grow on the countryside. If he could kiss her for twenty-four hours straight, he definitely would. Only when Sasha asks to play another cup, he breaks away and replies breathlessly: “Why not?” 

Just when everyone else agreed with him, and they start over, the doorbell rings once again. Eren is the one who decides to answer again. He sprints into his room to put on the first shirt he finds, for this time it will not be Annie or anyone else of his friends. This time, it will certainly be Mikasa’s mom. 

And this time, he’s right. 

“Good afternoon, Mrs. A.” 

“Ah, Eren! Good afternoon,” the woman smiles. And her smile is just like Mikasa’s. It is one of those pretty smiles that even shine when they are small. It makes the opening sunset look even prettier. 

“You wanna come in, right?” he smiles aswell. 

The woman nods. “Yeah, sure.” 

He pushes the doorknob and, still smiling, lets Mikasa’s mom inside. “Alright…,” he begins, “we’re playing video games right now, but-” 

The sound of a vomiting person echoes through the living room. It sneaks into Eren’s ear and right into his brain. The reek of blood makes its way into his nose. 

All at once, his green eyes widen. His hands become sweaty, even shaking. The smile he once had on his lips is gone entirely. 

No, he doesn’t want to see it. He does not want to see what is happening behind him. He wants to stay in this moment of happiness everyone had just minutes ago. 

But yet, someone hollers a name that makes his head turn. 

“MIKASA!” 


	14. I know exactly how you feel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Mikasa's cancer attacks her for the first time in months, everybody is on alert. Especially Eren, for he still thinks of what happened back then, and he does not want to lose the love of his life aswell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS I'M REALLY SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN SO LONG!!! The past two months haven't been the nicest to me, and I guess the writing pace suffered from that. I wish I had a better excuse, but that's the truth! 
> 
> This chapter, we're going to have another dream sequence. I hope you guys still enjoy reading, even though it's probably not the best :D
> 
> Warning: racist slurs

Eren watches as the love of his life falls apart. He catches her before she drops down into her selfmade mix of blood and vomit. In the distance, someone is calling Levi to pick her up and drive her to the hospital. No, don’t do that, he wants to scream at that person. For the last time someone he loved was put into hospital, she died. 

“...E…” 

Mikasa’s adorable little voice is hoarse, to the point where only he could hear her. He keeps holding her trembling, weak figure, he keeps holding on to her while his own heart is racing like hell. He lets her throw up another time, this time shorter, yet with more blood. So, so much more blood. 

Everyone asks if she’s okay, how she’s doing. Connie, Sasha - hell, even Annie does. And she tries to say something once again, no one can hear her this time. They all shout for her, and Eren does so the loudest. For he does not want to lose her. Not at all. 

As he carries her, he can see how much she tries. To be strong, to keep her eyes open, to keep her grip on Eren’s sleeve. But instead, her eyes keep closing, her hand trembles even more, and she gets weaker and weaker by the minute. She grows unconscious just by the time Levi arrives. 

Those moments are but a blur in Eren’s memories, for they go by too fast. Mikasa’s cancer attacking, her falling unconscious, leaving everyone in a worried state went by too fast. Levi calling for Ms. Ral to clean up, helping Eren to heave both himself and Mikasa inside the van, the engine starting is going by too fast. 

Too fast, they have found a parking space. And too fast, the loud voices of two young fans echo through his ears. 

“Ereeeen,” one of them screams while the other pulls out her phone. “How are you doing? Oh my God, I love you so much!” 

He doesn’t answer. 

“Oh my God,” the other fan points at the helpless figure in his arms. “Is that Mikasa?” 

“Wait, someone actually harmed that slut?” 

No answer. He, aswell as the others in his little group, keep going in hope that the two girls won’t follow. 

And yet, they do. 

They walk mere centimeters behind him, voicing words so awful they cut through him like a knife. Slut. Bitch. Whore. Attention seeker. 

He keeps going. For Mikasa, he keeps going. 

Cunt. 

He keeps going. 

Desperate. 

He still keeps going.

“You know,” one of them snidely chuckles, “I’m really happy that dumb chink is finally dead.” 

He… 

“CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” 

He snapped. 

Right in front of the hospital entrance, he finally snapped. He tried his best to ignore the two girls and their horrible, horrible words. Mikasa’s head bumps against his upper arm, and her even breath struggles very hard to calm him down.

The fans are quiet. Nothing comes out of their mouth. All the names they wanted to call her have disappeared back into the world of juvenile and horrible words.

It is after a few seconds that he turns around. He knows he should have stayed calm with young fans like that, but it is all too much for him. This whole situation is just too fucking much, and so he walks after everyone, finally reaching their final destination. 

No fans are following him this time.

 

* * *

 

Mikasa’s feet touch the soft grass of a field. 

Around her are flowers. Roses, tulips, daisies, all kinds of flowers. Wearing with them all kinds of different colors. 

She takes a step forward. Plucks a crimson rose from the middle of the flower field, and brings it to her nose. It smells like cherries. Like piano sounds and Eren’s voice and contemporary dance. 

Like her. 

All of these flowers smell like her. She knows that, for she takes and inhales them one by one. She is the flower field. The flowers are all part of her. 

And on spur of moment, those flowers wilt one by one. Each of the flowers she picked withers until they are but dead beings. With each wilt, all the colorfulness around her turns dark. 

Mikasa picks those flowers. She tries to save them, to love and cherish them, to no avail. They all wither. Just like the flowers she picked before. 

The grass, so green and bright before, turns into a light-brown, dead mass in moments. Nifa, a young doctor from Los Angeles General Hospital, calls Mikasa’s last name with her sweet, delightful voice. 

A gust of wind which hasn’t been there before makes its way into the scene. The sky takes the shade of a hospital room’s ceiling. 

Mikasa closes her eyes, irritated by the voice, and the sudden change of things. 

She wakes up. 

 

* * *

 

Eren remembers that scene from long ago. His mother broke down, screaming for air, hand clutching her chest. An ambulance brings her to the hospital, only to tell him of her death. He remembers how on that day, everything went either too fast, or too slow. 

This time, it’s the very same feeling. Before, everything went by too fast. Way too fast, and now it’s way too slow. 

Right at this moment, he and the others are waiting for God knows how many minutes for any doctors to come and tell them she’s alright. Every other second he glances at the door. Hoping. Praying. 

The last time he was in a hospital, someone important to him died. And this time… 

It’s going to be alright, they tell him. She only lost consciousness. 

“It’s alright,” his own mind attempts to tell him. 

With each second passing, he loses an ounce of his patience. 

“Mikasa is incredible. She’s so strong.” 

He runs one of his quivering hands through his hair. 

“She will withstand this illness of hers.” 

Tries to suppress tears that dwell up inside his eyes. 

“She will be alright.” 

One tear makes its way down his cheek, and drops from his jawline to the ground. 

And he finally breaks. 

At first, he pours out his anguish in silence. No sob ever exists out of his lips, there is only snivelling and hiccupping. Yet like the tears, these sobs dwell up inside of him, so long until he can not hold it any longer. 

His sobs are quiet, but merciless. They designate the pure agony he feels inside his heart, the pure fear of this place, of the one person he loved the most dying  _ once again _ . 

A gentle rub of Mikasa’s mother’s hand against his back is the only thing that somehow calms him. She lets him dive into her arms. Harsh sobs and tears of his fall on her chest as he loses himself entirely, and she lets him. For she aswell has been letting her agony out. 

“I know exactly how you feel, Eren,” she reassures him with a whisper. “I lost my husband in a place like this one, and my lovely daughter had to visit this place more than enough times. But please, Eren. Please, have faith in her. I beg you to.” 

She lets go of him in an ever so gentle way, yet her hands still grab his. “Mikasa will definitely pull through this. I know she will.” 

Eren just nods. He can not say anything, as he is afraid to start sobbing again once he’d open his mouth. His tears still fall on his cheeks. He still snivels and hiccups, and nothing can ever change that. Not the pat on his shoulder from Armin, who has been tense this entire time aswell.

Not even the soft voice of a nurse who calls Ms. Ackerman’s name. 

 

* * *

 

Familiar pairs of eyes watch Mikasa as she wakes up.

They are the eyes of Sasha and Connie, beaming with happiness as they see their friend’s open eyes. Armin’s, Levi’s and Annie’s, much less radiant and more observing, yet still with a hint of contentment. Dr. Nifa’s, who seems satisfied to have done her job correctly. 

And the eyes of Eren and her mother. Teary green and black orbs that wrench at her heart, for she is the reason they cried. She is the reason everyone will cry. 

Like a bomb, she will wreck everyone around her once she she dies. And she will die, sooner more than later. They all know that is a fact. A fact that can never be revoked. 

When Eren’s warm hand catches hers and his sweet voice cries, “Thank God, you’re alive,” she knows he will be hurt severely. 

When Nifa writes down her diagnosis, she knows there is never a return. 

It takes a small while until said doctor is the first in this room to raise her voice. 

“Okay, well… I’m really sorry you all had to wait. We had to do an MRI while she was unconscious to-” 

Mikasa glances at Eren, who gazes at the opened door. The male doctor who stands at the door seems to recognize him aswell, as their eyes meet before he asks Nifa for something. 

And only then does she notice the full details of his face. That man has Eren’s fascinating, green eyes. He has Eren’s full, perfect lips. 

He has Eren’s thick, dark chocolate-like hair.

He…. 

“Dad?”


	15. I wanted to talk to you about something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a week after that incident. Mikasa still lies in her hospital room when someone comes in to talk to her. 
> 
> Eren, on the other side, has an emotional conversation with his dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have arisen from the dead :D 
> 
> Sorry for the long ass wait, there's just a lot of stress in my life right now :/ 
> 
> I promise next chapter will come by faster!!

Only a few weeks. That’s how much time they gave her. 

In those few weeks, she just  _ knows _ her health will deteriorate. That is the cruel reality. 

Mikasa came to somehow accept that fact now, that fact that this time bomb will tick out its last seconds, then it will explode and take all her loved ones with her. Though accepting took her and everyone else a lot of time. A lot of tears, shock, and sadness. 

She now lays on her bed in her tiny hospital room. In her hand lays a magazine with Eren on it. It has a photoshoot with him, and an interview with him from a few weeks ago. 

All of it with personal questions. His health, family, love life. None of them about his music.  


At one point in the interview, he was asked about her.

His answer: “Mikasa is… well.  _ (Laughs) _ . She’s just awesome, you know. Seriously the best woman I could ever fall in love with, I mean, have you seen how strong she is? Not only physically, but also mentally. She has an incurable condition. She does care about it, but she’s always herself while doing so. She laughs at the most corny jokes of all time and I’d eat bricks if it wasn’t the sweetest sound that ever existed in my life! And she’s brutally honest! Really, she’s really bad at putting up an act and being fake. Despite being strong, she also likes cuddling and I love that about her. Hell, I love everything about her, you understand!? She’s like sunshine to me; she… healed me in some kind of way. And to be honest here, if she didn’t come into my shitty as hell life, I probably would be dead by now.”

She puts the magazine back, smiling to herself at how loveable he actually is. 

Wonders how she even deserved him. He‘s the best boyfriend someone could have. Nothing else, only the best. 

“What are you smiling so much about?” 

Someone sits next to her bed, waking her up from this little trance. 

“Just Eren.”

It’s Annie. 

“Sorry if I was disturbing you,” she says, closing the door and walking up to Mikasa. 

“Don’t worry, you weren’t.” There is something inside her fist, but Mikasa can’t figure what exactly it is. 

“...well, anyway,” Annie sits down next to the white hospital bed.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Eren!” 

He hears this voice from behind his back and wants to run immediately. Eren wants to run home, to the safe haven that is Mikasa, anywhere. Any place is acceptable, as long as he wouldn’t be able to hear this voice, or see the man speaking with it. 

Yet all he does is stand here, still and quiet. He took this little walk alongside Venice Beach to clear his mind, to get inspired for new songs, to come accept things he might never want to accept, and it turned out like this. The bad emotions he's in his heart until now are boiling over.  


“Eren,” the voice called out again.

Eren turns around to see his father. Still quiet, still without saying anything.

Still getting more and more furious.

He is glaring at him. The only thing he can see in his eyes is ignorance. Insensitivity, and intolerance.

“Look, Eren, you-”

“Why did you abandon us, Dad.”

Grisha Jaeger finally comes to a halt. He stays there, right in front of his son, with a bland expression on his face. 

“Look, son, I’m sorry. I-I didn’t know what to do-” 

“Those shitty apologies won’t fucking work on me, dad! They might work on my friends or my dead fucking mom, but not on  _ me _ ,” Eren blurts. “What I want is fucking  _ answers _ , Dad. Nothing more!”

His dad breathes, preparing himself for the raging storm that might come. 

“I’m so sorry, Eren. Really, I was a careless father to you and a terrible husband for Carla. I was too scared to see your reaction if I came to her funeral, and for that I sincerely apologize.” 

Eren knaws on his jaw, arms crossed. Trying to hold back these horrible insults, as he doesn't want to hear nor read any "Eren Jaeger has gone crazy!" anymore. 

“Well, if you were scared, why the fuck are you coming up to me right now? You didn’t think I wouldn’t react the exact same way as I would back then, did you?!”

Grisha huffs lightly. “Okay, well… to put it short, I’ve met someone. Please don’t get me wrong, I really loved you and Carla. But, well… you know how love goes sometimes, son.”

“Get to the point, Dad.”

“Well, the reason why I left has…”

Grisha takes a breath. A large one, for he’s still scared. 

Still, he’s terrified of Eren and the way he might react to his upcoming sentence. Terrified of how his own son might either want to punch his teeth out or scream the most detestable words at him. And by the looks of it, both might as well happen at the same time. 

And yet…

“The reason why I left has a little son now.”

 

* * *

 

It has been a while since Annie came. 

Actually, no. 

It has only been moments. For Mikasa, though, the moment of silence just takes too long. 

Annie breathes slowly. “Well, okay.” 

There is another little silence. 

“Shit, I don’t know how to say this.” 

Mikasa arches an eyebrow. What does she want to say? Is it something about Eren? About herself? 

“Okay, well… let’s just be straightforward here,” says Annie. Bites on her lower lip until sapphire eyes meet onyx ones. “...I’m jealous of you, Mikasa.”

Mikasa is shocked at that statement. How can Annie, who has money, fans and tons of movie awards standing in her room, be jealous of her?

Sure, she has Eren and other loveable people in her life, but that’s all. She never had a lot of luck in her life apart from that, so what is there to be jealous of? 

“Uhm… I was told by Armin how much shit you had to walk through in your life. You… you earned a  _ huge _ amount of respect for that.” 

Well, that might be true. Even though her own life thinks differently.

“And about Eren, well…,” Annie sighs. “You really changed his ways, Mikasa. I saw on the paparazzi photos how happy he was with you. He’s really different compared to when I broke up with him. You know, he was drinking and smoking all day and all night. I really wanted to fucking change him, but you know…” 

And here, the usually stoic and serious Annie breaks down. Mikasa can see tears welling up in her beautiful eyes, and her hands are shaking aswell.

She shakes her head and breathes. “I’m sorry but… he was the only person in my life who I know genuinely loved me. I’m just a giant failure. I’m sure he hates me now, too, because we never talked since you got here and-

Mikasa shakes her head, whispering, “That’s not true. Like, at all.”

“What..”

“Annie, I’m sure you’re a great person. And I know Eren. I love him, and I see him everyday but he doesn’t hate you.”

The blonde looks down, on her own hands that hold each other. “He does. I’m sure he doesn’t like me anymore and thinks you’re much better than me. And honestly, you are.” 

“I’m not, look… I-I’m a bomb. I will die soon and put everyone I love and care about into that literal destruction with me. I barely ever talk to new people until I either have to or they approach me, and Eren was no exception of that. I had very few friends until last school year, and that only changed because of that one ounce of courage I had that one day. And Eren, he… doesn’t always talk about you, yes, but he always has that thing whenever he does. He smiles whenever he tells us about stories he experienced with you, and he has that little gleam in his eyes. He thinks of you as a good person and I really, really wish he’d be that happy when it’s about our own stories. I really do, Annie.”

Silence. Annie looks as if she wants to say something, but it‘s the opposite. 

Mikasa sits up and shifts so that she faces Annie and yet her legs don‘t show up from the white blanket that covers them. “Please don’t hate yourself because of something that happened in the past,” she says. “I think you’re amazing, and Eren sure thinks the same.”

They both sit like that for a while. Annie, with her stern beauty and low self-esteem. And Mikasa, with her little smile and ever so dwindling life.

Annie ask her: “Is it okay if I stay with you for a while?”

And Mikasa just nods. 

Whether or not she’s her boyfriend’s ex doesn’t matter. She can stay here for whatever time she likes.

 

* * *

 

Eren just stands there, not knowing what to say. Or what to do. 

He doesn‘t punch his dad in the face or cusses swearwords, like he thought he‘d do. He doesn‘t move even an inch, and neither does Grisha. Everything in this place is moving except for the two of them. And as the tears inside his eyes become unbearable to hold, he tries to realize what just happened. 

He has a sibling no one told him about up until now. 

He‘s an older brother.

“I…,” he longs for words to say, but they just won‘t come out.

It‘s all too much information for him. Too many emotions mixed together in one pot. He can not handle it anymore. 

One drop. Two. 

And he cries. Just like he did so many times these days.

“His name is Zeke and he’s about to turn eight” Grisha says. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you yet.”

Eren wants to punch him in the face so hard for what he did. That man left his wife  _ and _ his little son broken and all alone just to fuck another woman and make her pregnant. He betrayed his own family for his own needs. 

But he doesn‘t do any of those likes, for there is an army of paparazzi around them at the moment. TMZ and other media sites will definitely report about this scene. 

He breathes, in and out, deeply. Tries to finally calm himself, nevertheless it doesn‘t work.

His fans would be very upset if Eren went at him. Mikasa would be, either. 

He huffs, and after just a second asks: “Would you like me to visit him?”

**Author's Note:**

> Heya again! :) 
> 
> Since I'd like to continue this story, I would reeeeeaaaaallllyyyy appreciate it if you gave kudos & comments. 
> 
> Thank you for reading :3


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